The Time Machine
A crazy person's guide to reconciling the ledger of reality against a desire to protect yourself from things you've already done.
Have you seen my time machine?
Me either.
Despite this, I’m sure that it’s there.
Everytime I used to make a mistake of some gravity or incur a consequence of meaning… I was positive that if I could just figure out exactly what the mistake was, I could fix it.
I could.
Really.
If I could remember where the time machine was.
Have you seen it?
One day, God gave me the gift of seeing this in myself and I have tried to never look back.
Literally.
God: You don’t have a time machine.
Me: No, no, but I do. I can fix it.
God: No, no, I know you think that, but I want you to see, you really don’t.
Me: Then why am I so sure I do? Huh?
God: You have some problems. Hiding from them doesn’t make it better. You need to let go.
Me: …this is not one of our best talks.
God: Give it time, it’ll grow on you.
See, here’s what would happen.
Imagine that you and I would maybe have a conflict, or something would occur that didn’t just fit perfectly into my idea of how life should work…. didn’t even have to be a big deal… and I would lose it inside.
Quietly.
I would start to try and figure out how to fix it.
I would start to try really hard.
Except, guess what?
It was in the past.
That was a problem.
Here’s a blunt question.
If I cannot trust God with my past, how can I possibly claim to trust Him with my present or future?
Leaving mess and mistakes behind me is a part of trusting God.
Exactly what does ‘trusting God’ mean if I can’t do that anyways? Without it… it’s just noise.
And that hurt.
It hurt because I had jumped straight from a life of lawless and petty selfishness to one of religious perfectionism and I hadn’t realized I’d done it.
I’d intended to land on grace and I’d skipped it.
I needed to let go.
I needed to lose the time machine and accept leaving mess and mistakes behind me.
I really didn’t want to.
I wanted to fix it.
I’m glad I didn’t.
Turns out there is nothing wrong with being weak.
The problems come when we pretend to be strong.
My job, I realized, was to close my eyes, to look at him, and to walk. Forward. Not backwards.
To accept the past as it is, in all of its glory - EVEN THE VERY RECENT PAST- and put my mind to the moment at hand and walk forward.
To take the dare of taking God at His word… and seeing what happens in the space where I act like I actually believe Him, even when I don’t.
Especially when I don’t.
It doesn’t say this in the bible anywhere… but I’m pretty sure God has an extra big smile for folks who really don’t want to but find the courage to give Him an honest chance anyways.
Try it.
You’ll see.
Proverbs 3:5-6
Trust in the Lord with all your heart; do not depend on your own understanding. Seek his will in all you do, and he will show you which path to take.
And you know what’s crazy?
Turns out I don’t have a time machine, sure.. but guess what? I walk much better with my eyes closed.
Who knew?
All scripture referenced is NLT unless otherwise noted. I prefer NLT for postural discussion as it is both reasonably rigorous while retaining a conversational tone.
For study I strongly encourage the use of original language tools, multiple translations, and rigorous critical thought.
Please remember that when you read the Bible in English you are always reading someone else’s theological interpretation of the text.