The clock is just about empty, the story just about over, and there is time for one, maybe two more gestures.

What do you want to do?

In the past, I would have worried about getting the answer right.

About all the edges and motives.

About all the risks and limitations.

I just don’t care anymore.

That thinking looks very weak for me now.

For me. God has been telling me this for years and years and I’ve been slow to listen.

There isn’t time.

It is time to move.

God: Go and feed my sheep.

Me: Totally. I’ll find the right church and plug in, for sure.

God: That’s not what I said. Go and feed my sheep.

Me: I will. Just let me get the house done and we’ll start having people over, no problem.

God: That’s not what I said. Go and feed my sheep.

Me: Yeah, 100%. I just need to figure out a few things first… I have all these doubts about myself, I just don’t want to screw it up, dirty your name… maybe if I can get a few people to sign off on it?

Me: …

Me: God?

Do you do this?

I do this.

I put off the call of God with a perfectly clear heart.

I had a thought about Paul the other day.

What if he’s not the radical-bull-headed-highly-difficult-person I think he is?

What if he just actually believes what he says?

Is it a reasonable question?

What do you think?

If Paul simply believes what he preaches, that the time is short, that the kingdom is all, the work great, and that eternity beckons… does all his wild willingness and behavior follow?

I think maybe it really does.

That it truly actually is just that.

That is deeply convicting.

What does that imply that we believe? You and I?

Not quite as much, perhaps?

There’s just no question that the call of God is a required priority.

Now.

Luke 9:59-6

He (Jesus) said to another person, “Come, follow me.”

The man agreed, but he said, “Lord, first let me return home and bury my father.”

But Jesus told him, “Let the spiritually dead bury their own dead! Your duty is to go and preach about the Kingdom of God.”

Jesus is right now. Jesus isn’t going to be your backup option.

So it’s a simple question, has He called you?

What has He called you to?

And if He has, are you ready?

The man in the story wasn’t.

He had things to do, needed just a moment.

He didn’t get one.

“Come and follow me” Jesus said.

What’s it gonna be?

All scripture referenced is NLT unless otherwise noted. I prefer NLT for postural discussion as it is both reasonably rigorous while retaining a conversational tone.

For study I strongly encourage the use of original language tools, multiple translations, and rigorous critical thought.

Please remember that when you read the Bible in English you are always reading someone else’s theological interpretation of the text.

That we are saved, really, isn’t.

That we are saved is the most basic fact of our universe.

It is not the point.

It is the foundation.

The point is what we do with it afterwards.

Do you know why the programs of Alcoholics Anonymous and others like them work?

It isn’t because people want to get sober.

Those rooms are full of people who have wanted to get sober and failed for years.

Those programs work because they have singular function: to connect people to the person of God and a greater purpose in connecting people to God and a greater purpose.

And that’s it.

(Sound familiar?)

This is why to the person who has been sober for years, their sobriety isn’t very interesting.

Their life is.

It becomes full of the people and the purposes of God, or they relapse.

So the question is… do you really think we are so different?

And the follow-up is… do we look like it?

Me: Thank you God for saving me!

God: You said that yesterday.

Me: …I was grateful yesterday too!

God: Were you? What did you do with it?

Me: I praised you! Thank you!

God: I think we need to have a talk.

Picture it.

Is it us?

Luke 18:9-14

Then Jesus told this story to some who had great confidence in their own righteousness and scorned everyone else: “Two men went to the Temple to pray. One was a Pharisee, and the other was a despised tax collector. The Pharisee stood by himself and prayed this prayer: ‘I thank you, God, that I am not like other people—cheaters, sinners, adulterers. I’m certainly not like that tax collector! I fast twice a week, and I give you a tenth of my income.’

“But the tax collector stood at a distance and dared not even lift his eyes to heaven as he prayed. Instead, he beat his chest in sorrow, saying, ‘O God, be merciful to me, for I am a sinner.’ I tell you, this sinner, not the Pharisee, returned home justified before God. For those who exalt themselves will be humbled, and those who humble themselves will be exalted.”

There is a lot here.

Note one bit only.

The tax collector has something to do. He has a life he needs to change. He has amends to make. He certainly has a gospel of mercy he can share.

The Pharisee does not.

Luke 7:47

“But a person who is forgiven little shows only little love.”

We need to be the tax collector.

We need to recognize, accept, and act on the reality that we have much that needs to be forgiven.

Right now.

Today.

And then go and teach others how to do the same.

We are saved to a purpose.

Luke 10:37

…Jesus told him, “Go and do likewise.”

That is the purpose.

If we are going to follow Jesus, we need to actually follow Jesus.

Jesus walked to Jerusalem.

Jesus walked to Cavalry.

Most of us have a hard time walking at all.

The couch is compelling.

We have so many minutes left in this life.

And then it will end.

What do you think we should do with it?

God: Are you saved?

Me: Yes, thank you so much!

God: You don’t look saved.

Me: Wait… what? What do you mean? You saved me, didn’t you?

God: That’s my point. You look scared.

So here’s the question.

If God saved us and we believe that… then what are we so scared of?

Or… do we not believe it?

We were bought for a price once and for all time.

We have been given a guarantee of safety for all of eternity.

We are saved to a purpose now.

Are we doing it?

Or do we look scared? Do I?

Do you?

Matthew 28:19-20

Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age.

I have been tremendously scared.

I am ready to change.

All scripture referenced is NLT unless otherwise noted. I prefer NLT for postural discussion as it is both reasonably rigorous while retaining a conversational tone.

For study I strongly encourage the use of original language tools, multiple translations, and rigorous critical thought.

Please remember that when you read the Bible in English you are always reading someone else’s theological interpretation of the text.

A slice of my brain got caught behind a blood clot in the M2 artery, and died.

It was the scariest thing I have ever experienced.

It was the greatest wake-up call I have ever had.

The morning of the stroke, I went to my desk to do the work of the day, and I started to write messages… except I couldn’t.

What came out was more like '“mxl p thy’ybedeas.”

It was a problem.

It was a problem I didn’t want to look at, hoping, against all reason, that it would go away.

That was my answer.

Pretend the problem isn’t there.

Super good plan.

I got lucky.

God smiled at me.

He did something, He spoke, I listened, and a couple of hours later, I’m standing at my desk having typed “my mind is not broken and I can write.”

And that’s amazing.

Truly.

I’m grateful.

Except… I see another problem I don’t want to look at. One I think is a lot more important than my stroke.

Before I get to that… can I ask you a question?

If you believed that God was really for you, what would you try to do?

Like, really.

Truly.

What would you do?

If you could not fail?

Is there nothing you would do differently?

I know exactly what I would do.

I just don’t know how.

The problem I see is that eternity is real.

And looking at ‘us,’ generally, this is a huge problem.

Because we do not live this way.

I don’t.

The logic is simple, if inconvenient.

Eternity is either real and is a space that you and I will inhabit together, or everything we believe is wrong.

Eternity either exists in time as we understand it, and we will share that time together, or everything we think we understand about eternity is wrong.

That tells us some things.

It tells us that this life, now, is just a glimpse that will then be a cherished memory.

This life, now, is our only chance to decide who we are in our own imperfection before perfection is given to us as grace, then.

This life, now, is our only chance to confront evil, to risk on the gospel, and declare who we are before God resolves history then.

This life, now, is our only chance to stand.

So…

Who do you want to be?

What do you want to remember in eternity?

What are you scared of?

…for myself?

I’m scared I will never try.

I think in eternity there will be a campfire.

We will sit together, and we will tell stories.

We will prize the stories we fear living today - of dreams exceeding reach, of faith in painful adversity, of total failure, and of utter willingness.

We will tell these stories in a perfect place where risk is not possible.

We will tell these stories in the revealed kingdom where faith is unneeded.

We’re going to sit there, inside of the perfect safety that we are promised, and we are going to look back on now with intense respect for the people who live, now, as if they actually think this is all true.

So here’s my radical idea that a million and one people have had before…

Let’s do it.

Let’s be those people.

Together. And then, one day, we can sit together at that campfire, and we can talk about when we were young, and the world was broken, and we lived inside of the glory of the promise of the Son.

Let’s risk, faith, and dream beyond reasonable ambition.

Let’s plant churches, try things, and serve people in the love of God every way we can.

Let’s be a part of and partner with people who want to try things.

Let’s cry loud and mean it, “God send me! Use me!”

Tell the Lord. Tell your friends. Tell everyone. See who it is that wants to do the work of diving in with us… and then let’s get to work.

Let’s take risks while we still can.

Let’s have faith when it matters.

Now.

Mark 9:24

…“I do believe, but help me overcome my unbelief!”

All scripture referenced is NLT unless otherwise noted. I prefer NLT for postural discussion as it is both reasonably rigorous while retaining a conversational tone.

For study I strongly encourage the use of original language tools, multiple translations, and rigorous critical thought.

Please remember that when you read the Bible in English you are always reading someone else’s theological interpretation of the text.

I am.

Left to my own devices I would never leave my house. I would sit around and fantasize about all the things that could go wrong - or - studiously avoid that line of thought through distraction.

In my teens and twenties that was drugs and alcohol.

I think, looking at it form the outside that I probably looked reckless. Aggressive. Wild.

I was afraid.

It can be hard to look at something as out of control as illicit drug use and think ‘control,’ but that’s exactly what it was.

Drugs gave me a sense of control in a world I did not trust.

Push a button, feel different.

Push a button, forget to be afraid.

Control.

Anxiety.

Fear.

That was my life.

And, when God freed me from drugs that was still my life, and the subject of most of my conversation with him.

God: Daniel, do you trust me?

Me: I don’t know. I want to.

God: But what’s the point in not trusting me?

Me: I don’t understand.

God: If you can’t trust me, aren’t you done-for anyways? Why bother?

Me: I don’t understand.

God: If I’m not who I say I am, if I’m a jerk, what can you do about it?

Me: Nothing?

God: Nothing. …so why not just trust me? Nothing else makes sense.

He was right.

If God was a jerk, I was screwed. Nothing in between.

If God was a jerk, I couldn’t trust him and it wouldn’t matter how dialed in I was, how perfect my execution.

If God was a jerk, I had absolutely no defense.

None.

There is no controlling for a God you cannot trust.

So… why did I keep treating Him like a jerk?

My life was full of plans and approaches that all presumed on God being… a jerk.

Harsh.

Deceptive.

Tricky.

The internal pressure of my life was off-the-charts as I worked the edge of soul raw following every rule, implied rule, conditional rule, tug of my heart with… fear.

God: What if you’re doing all the right things, but you’re doing it for the wrong reasons?

Me: I don’t understand.

God: What if I am who I say I am?

Me: I don’t understand.

God: What if I’m not a jerk?

Lightbulb.

What if God is who He says He is?

For I know the plans I have for you,” says the Lord. “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope.

Jeremiah 29:11

What if God means it, in these and a hundred other verses?

And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them.

Romans 8:28

What would my life look like if I just acted like I believed it?

How would my behaviour change?

What would I do different?

I think these are remarkable questions.

Because the truth is that I would be remarkably different.

I saw it.

I decided to do something about it.

I got to work.

I started taking risks.

Because that’s what faith is.

I still treat God like He’s a jerk. Everytime I deal with a lesson and learning about how I do that, I find another one.

Maybe you will do better.

But on the whole?

We’ve come a long way God & me.

Every now and then I manage to treat God like I really trust Him and I get to see the miraculous.

Sometimes.

But mostly I just understand that I live inside of a story, and I am not the storyteller.

It’s a lot less pressure when you’re right sized about your job description.

It’s a lot less fear when you decide you can trust the storyteller.

I wonder what will happen next?

All scripture referenced is NLT unless otherwise noted. I prefer NLT for postural discussion as it is both reasonably rigorous while retaining a conversational tone.

For study I strongly encourage the use of original language tools, multiple translations, and rigorous critical thought.

Please remember that when you read the Bible in English you are always reading someone else’s theological interpretation of the text.

It’s a wonderfully honest question.

Simple.

Rich with backstory questions like, ‘How do I know this is real? What if I’m just an idiot? Maybe this is all wish fulfillment? What if there is no God and I am nuts? What if God is speaking to me but I can only hear myself?”

And on, and on, and on.

“How do I know it’s God?”

I’ve only ever found one answer. You have to try.

Hear me out, I think the logic is sound.

So if this is you, and you think the God of the universe is speaking to you in your heart, through experience, through narrative, out loud… you name it… one of two things is true:

1. You are crazy.

2. God is real.

Those are the only options.

And that’s where the question comes in… because what has to happen, to look at the truth of what is happening… is that you or I need to act on what God tells us.

To create data.

We need to listen to the pull, voice, nudge, story, harmonic, vibe… and maybe even the occasional 3rd party prophecy… and see what’s on the other side of that bridge.

…actually ‘do’ the indicated thing.

Because if the God of the universe is speaking to you, you can trust him.

Because if the God of the universe is not speaking to you, best to just find that out.

So you have to test it.

I am keenly aware that I just advised ‘doing what the voices tell you.’

For most of us, that’s going to go fine, no matter the source. You’ll ask for the promotion. You’ll encourage a stranger. You’ll buy the pink golf pants. Whatever.

For some, it’s not that simple.

So, for everyone, I encourage some guardrails.

1. Be biblical
   You’re looking to see if the God of the Bible is really guiding you… look to the Bible. Don’t ever agree to test ideas as ‘from God’ that contradict who He is in the person of Jesus.

2. Be scientific
   Science, the discipline of asking questions and testing observable hypothesis, is your friend. If you’re testing a theory, pay attention to what question you asked and what happened.

3. Be curious
   Curiosity is your best tool here! How sad the many that may hear directly from God but never bother to check and see. That’s going to be a fun conversation…

4. Look for good
   Train your eye to see the positives. As you start walking forward, your willingness to ask, “How do I know it’s God?” turning into awareness that it is God… your eye looking for light will help guide you on the path.

We could even say it as a sentence.

“When examining your heart for the voice of God be curious and look always for the good, remain rational and test good questions, and above all, remember that you know who Jesus is. You’ll recognize Him.”

It is better to test this than not.

1 Thessalonians 5:21

…test everything that is said. Hold on to what is good.

Because it is either true or it is not.

Romans 8:28

And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them.

Because it is everything or nothing.

Alcoholics Anonymous pg. 53

…crushed by a self-imposed crisis we could not postpone or evade, we had to fearlessly face the proposition that either God is everything or else He is nothing. God either is, or He isn't. What was our choice to be?

Arrived at this point, we were squarely confronted with the question of faith. We couldn't duck the issue.

Because we are better off either hot or cold.

Revelation 3:16

But since you are like lukewarm water, neither hot nor cold, I will spit you out of my mouth!

Because we’re built and designed to be all-in.

Deuteronomy 6:5

…and you must love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your soul, and all your strength.

So… let’s just ask the questions we need to ask.

Don’t sweat it.

Do what we need to do.

And then let’s get on with finding out where He wants to take us.

It may just be an amazing story.

All scripture referenced is NLT unless otherwise noted. I prefer NLT for postural discussion as it is both reasonably rigorous while retaining a conversational tone.

For study I strongly encourage the use of original language tools, multiple translations, and rigorous critical thought.

Please remember that when you read the Bible in English you are always reading someone else’s theological interpretation of the text.

I did.

Greatness to me was… the same thing everyone seems to want. I’m not sure what best describes it… money? Power? Pride?

Importance?

That’s close.

But I was too scared to try. I was small, content with potential.

Which is… just another word for something that hasn’t happened.

That was me.

Then I lost control, blew up the world, met Jesus, and everything changed.

Except it didn’t.

In my failing forward into the success of the Gospel, somewhere in the space where I learned to confess my very real and true weakness… I missed a step.

Something in me took from it, “now I can do big things!”

…and I set off on a quest for merit badges, titles, and achievements (oh my).

No one corrected me.

Doing big things for Jesus was the order of the day and the culture I lived in.

So I set off to acquire a hat collection but all the while my spirit kept at me. Persistent. Nagging. Faithful.

It led to a lot of pain and to a question… “what is more likely for Jesus to have… people willing to do big things, or small ones?”

Luke 16:10

If you are faithful in little things, you will be faithful in large ones. But if you are dishonest in little things, you won’t be honest with greater responsibilities.

Mostly… I think people don’t want to do anything.

But then, when they do, they only want to hit long balls, home runs, do the big things.

…but what if God is calling for a tactical bunt?

“I stopped outside a church house where the citizens like to sit
They say they want the kingdom
But they don't want God in it

I went out ridin' down that old eight-lane
I passed by a thousand signs
Looking for my own name”

Bono, ‘The Wanderer’

I remember a painful moment in which God spoke to me.

I was at a Church conference.

I had so many roles and titles.

I was in all the right rooms with all the right friends.

I had a team of people with me that had trusted me to be their Pastor, and I was nowhere to be seen.

I was somewhere else, talking to people I wanted to approve of me.

I was in tremendous pain.

God: It’s time to choose.

On one hand - ministry success. The whole world will know your name and associate you with Me… but it will be thin. So thin that when we peel it back it will disappear into one hand. It will look like everything and mean nothing.

On the other hand -ministry service. You will go where no one knows you, do things no one will recognize, and will have my promise that I will let you touch the stories that truly matter, but you will never see it. It will look like nothing and mean everything.

You can’t have both.

Choose.

Me: …that’s ….that’s just so… so… completely horrible.

God: It gets way harder than this. We’re just getting started.

So I chose.

Look.

Just because all the other Christians are running around chasing their egos and accomplishment doesn’t mean we should too.

John 3:30

He must become greater and greater, and I must become less and less.

We have a job to do. We are supposed to be different.

If we don’t do that when we can get away with it or when it costs… exactly when will we get around to it?

Little things matter.

God: Do you want to be mine?

Me: Yes.

God: Then stop trying to control everything. Stop trying to win.

Me: …what are you talking about? There is nonsense coming out of your mouth. I don’t get it.

God: Did I die on a cross?

Me: Yes.

God: Did I want to die on a cross?

Me: …no.

God: So was I winning?

Me: …no. You lost.

God: Correct. Now, what was I doing?

Me: …you were obedient?

God: Good... and consider… which is more true… did I do one amazing thing, or, was it a million small ones?

He wrecks me.

I am so glad of it.

My life, my Christian life, is not any one thing.

It is a million things.

It is everyday.

It is all of my smallest decisions. All together. Masquerading as some singular thing we would call a ‘life.’

Each one a chance to be equal to the conviction and motive of my heart.

Each one a chance to tell a story.

And I guess that’s it.

So I don’t want a big story.

I want a million small ones, lived well and fully, and then we will see… we will just see what God will do.

Me: Amen.

God: Amen.

All scripture referenced is NLT unless otherwise noted. I prefer NLT for postural discussion as it is both reasonably rigorous while retaining a conversational tone.

For study I strongly encourage the use of original language tools, multiple translations, and rigorous critical thought.

Please remember that when you read the Bible in English you are always reading someone else’s theological interpretation of the text.

Me either.

Despite this, I’m sure that it’s there.

Everytime I used to make a mistake of some gravity or incur a consequence of meaning… I was positive that if I could just figure out exactly what the mistake was, I could fix it.

I could.

Really.

If I could remember where the time machine was.

Have you seen it?

One day, God gave me the gift of seeing this in myself and I have tried to never look back.

Literally.

God: You don’t have a time machine.

Me: No, no, but I do. I can fix it.

God: No, no, I know you think that, but I want you to see, you really don’t.

Me: Then why am I so sure I do? Huh?

God: You have some problems. Hiding from them doesn’t make it better. You need to let go.

Me: …this is not one of our best talks.

God: Give it time, it’ll grow on you.

See, here’s what would happen.

Imagine that you and I would maybe have a conflict, or something would occur that didn’t just fit perfectly into my idea of how life should work…. didn’t even have to be a big deal… and I would lose it inside.

Quietly.

I would start to try and figure out how to fix it.

I would start to try really hard.

Except, guess what?

It was in the past.

That was a problem.

Here’s a blunt question.

If I cannot trust God with my past, how can I possibly claim to trust Him with my present or future?

Leaving mess and mistakes behind me is a part of trusting God.

Exactly what does ‘trusting God’ mean if I can’t do that anyways? Without it… it’s just noise.

And that hurt.

It hurt because I had jumped straight from a life of lawless and petty selfishness to one of religious perfectionism and I hadn’t realized I’d done it.

I’d intended to land on grace and I’d skipped it.

I needed to let go.

I needed to lose the time machine and accept leaving mess and mistakes behind me.

I really didn’t want to.

I wanted to fix it.

I’m glad I didn’t.

Turns out there is nothing wrong with being weak.

The problems come when we pretend to be strong.

My job, I realized, was to close my eyes, to look at him, and to walk. Forward. Not backwards.

To accept the past as it is, in all of its glory - EVEN THE VERY RECENT PAST- and put my mind to the moment at hand and walk forward.

To take the dare of taking God at His word… and seeing what happens in the space where I act like I actually believe Him, even when I don’t.

Especially when I don’t.

It doesn’t say this in the bible anywhere… but I’m pretty sure God has an extra big smile for folks who really don’t want to but find the courage to give Him an honest chance anyways.

Try it.

You’ll see.

Proverbs 3:5-6
Trust in the Lord with all your heart; do not depend on your own understanding. Seek his will in all you do, and he will show you which path to take.

And you know what’s crazy?

Turns out I don’t have a time machine, sure.. but guess what? I walk much better with my eyes closed.

Who knew?

All scripture referenced is NLT unless otherwise noted. I prefer NLT for postural discussion as it is both reasonably rigorous while retaining a conversational tone.

For study I strongly encourage the use of original language tools, multiple translations, and rigorous critical thought.

Please remember that when you read the Bible in English you are always reading someone else’s theological interpretation of the text.

God was sovereign.

I understood surrender to be winning rather than losing, and I was desperate to use what gifts I had to discern God’s intention rather than my own.

I had no idea how to do that.

Everything was upside down.

I had been given a gift, the gift of recognizing my insufficiency… which I intended to never lose…. but didn’t know how to do that either.

And I wanted to DO things.

Badly.

The world was broken. My world. And I had broken it. I wanted a plan.

I chafed in the new skin and eyes of my new life.

It was in this space, walking around in the shell of my previous life, that I met my lifelong friend, Michal Steyn.

Michal is lovely, brave, and follows his convictions, and may we all be so blessed as to have a friend like him.

I said my thing about wanting a plan, and I will never forget his response. How he knew what I wanted I will never know.

He must have known I was a level 19 nerd.

Or maybe we both are.

“What if God set out all the tool, parts, and material you would need to build a spaceship?

Imagine…. all the equipment in one pile, all the pieces in another… absolutely everything you would need, and every ability to use it… but no plan to be seen.

Just silence.

And then, imagine, in the silence, God told you the next step. Just one thing to do. One little thing that you could do.

And what if then you did it, and after, He told you the next.

And then the next.

If He kept doing it, could you build the spaceship?

What else would you need?”

-Michal Steyn

And he just looked at me, big smile on his face.

Pretty sure I smiled too.

My brain… unlocked.

I had a plan.

I realized… if I trust God to tell me the next thing, I don’t need a larger plan. I need faith. Faith is the plan.

And if I don’t trust God to tell me the next thing… what exactly do I have anyways?

Not a space ship.

That’s for sure.

Everything clicked into place.

My life changed, again.

LFG.

We are not to test God.

It should never be our motive, to bring Him down to our level and hold Him accountable to our standards and way of looking at things.

But you know what? We don’t need to.

All we have to do is act in faith. Because every act of faith is a test of God’s sovereignty and integrity as we make choices in a space we are not sure of… and God shows up real, again and again.

We can trust Him.

And when we trust Him, He will demonstrate Himself in what He does or does not do.

There is no way around it.

If we have the courage to act in that space, to take a first step of faith, a knowing of God is unavoidable.

We will learn something.

This is the rubric and science of faith.

Action motivated by faith in God creates a unavoidable awareness of God’s response.

Try it.

I dare you.

…and if you know how to trust Him without revealing Him, you are a wizard and I would like you to tell me how, because it sounds way easier than this scary thing I am always trying to do.

But I don’t think you can.

Because faith only exists in unproven spaces.

Faith only exists where it needs to.

Certainty is like some graveyard of faithful things that lacked the courage of their convictions.

Faith is found in risk.

“The opposite of Faith isn’t doubt, it’s certainty.”

-Anne Lamott

She’s right.

Faith is a bridge between you and God, not a pragmatic ‘knowing truth.’

Faith is a verb.

Faith is walking on water.

Then Peter called to him, “Lord, if it’s really you, tell me to come to you, walking on the water.”

“Yes, come,” Jesus said.

So Peter went over the side of the boat and walked on the water toward Jesus.

Matthew 14:28-29

…and if you read that, and you want to tell that story different… like maybe that’s supposed to be the story of Peter falling in the water?

Maybe that’s the problem.

🤷‍♂️

As for me, I’m building a spaceship.

Isn’t it rad?

All scripture referenced is NLT unless otherwise noted. I prefer NLT for postural discussion as it is both reasonably rigorous while retaining a conversational tone.

For study I strongly encourage the use of original language tools, multiple translations, and rigorous critical thought.

Please remember that when you read the Bible in English you are always reading someone else’s theological interpretation of the text.

No question.

So too is pretty much anyone, and everyone, you respect historically.

her·e·tic /ˈherəˌtik/
noun

1. a person believing in or practicing religious heresy.

2. a person holding an opinion at odds with what is generally accepted.

If you have another definition, like “Someone I disagree with,” or, “Someone bad,” then sure, this gets more complex.

But… by the actual definition? The one above?

If to be a heretic is to be at odds with Orthodoxy… and Orthodoxy is created by conflict and clarification then… all the originators of Orthodoxy must be heretics.

Right?

Heresy is how we get places.

I’m the first to admit, it doesn’t have that reputation, but it is the truth.

Because to be a heretic you don’t have to be wrong, weird, unhinged, or crazy… you just need to be willing to point to what is true in a world where others don’t want to see it.

Have you ever heard the story ‘The Emperor’s New Clothes’?

It’s a folk tale by Hans Christian Anderson and in it a vain and ridiculous Emperor is tricked into parading naked in public until he gets called out.

Tons of fun.

The way they trick him into doing this is to tell him ‘the magic fabric is invisible to morons and idiots.’ Amazing, right?

And so the Emperor, not wanting to be thought a moron never questions it.

And so the people, not wanting to be thought morons by their peers, never question it.

And so everyone agrees to this ridiculous premise, celebrating the naked man’s clothes… because they are scared to be judged by their fellows.

Until a child blurts out, “The Emperor has no clothes!” and suddenly, everyone could see.

That child was a heretic.

We need as many like him as we can get.

Matthew 18:2-3

He called a little child to him, and placed the child among them. And he said: “Truly I tell you, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven.”

I think it is worth remembering that children can both believe where adults would fail - and - will also ask questions where adults would cower.

Good on them.

Look.

If you don’t wrestle with heresy, you’re not trying hard enough.

It’s just not possible.

I’m sorry.

We cannot find understanding without asking hard questions.

We cannot possess wisdom without answering those questions.

We cannot do either without willingness to stumble into the dark and risk winding up wrong.

Most of us are in far greater danger from not asking good questions than we are of finding wrong answers.

We follow a God become man that spoke in questions and parables, many of them phenomenally difficult and opaque.

The arrogance to assume that we understand Jesus just because we heard His words is shocking and reckless.

His disciples were constantly going back to Him with questions as to what he meant. The example we are given is of regular wrestling with His words, working hard to find and understand the deeper and clearer meanings with lots of false starts, incorrect assumptions, and repetition.

Why would we be different?

What arrogance it is that when we decide we are different… that we honor Him rather than disgracing the gift he gives us.

In doing so… are we so sure we haven’t simply found a way to avoid doing the hard work Jesus invites us into, and wrapped it all up in ‘honor’ of His name so no one questions it?

How entirely human.

Is it possible that we are - all of us - naked but certain we would look the fool were we to ask?

…I get the stress here …but the great danger we face is not questions on the edge of heresy. That is a natural byproduct of trying to understand what God means.

The great danger we face is such certainty as to what God says or means that we can no longer hear Him when he tells us the truth.

That instead of God’s voice we hear only our own.

Think about it.

Please.

And then have the guts to do what you think is right.

Extra points for disagreeing with me.

For myself, I am a Jesus follower.

Jesus looked established orthodox religion in the eye and said, “you are lacking understanding, here is the truth,” and they killed Him for it.

Make no mistake. He died that we might partake of God’s full mercy and grace.

But He was killed for being a heretic.

So I have to wonder, when He looks at us, and finds any or all of us unwilling to risk our precious certainties so that we might gain His truth… do you think He loves that?

Do you think He looks at us and says, “I see myself in this,” as we critique and ostracize thinkers challenging the status quo or do you think he sees the men who killed Him?

That’s a real question.

Here’s another one.

Which matters more, that we are right, or that we are willing to risk being wrong?

Spend a minute in the ‘Parable of the Talents,’ and then tell me, please, which of those do you think is more important to Him?

And then be honest, which is more important to you?

For myself, I would rather live a life of risk in faith and dare a few wrong answers than to be a person of religious certainty too scared to take God at his word.

He’s got me.

Here’s to mystery and grace unending, forevermore.

Amen.

All scripture referenced is NLT unless otherwise noted. I prefer NLT for postural discussion as it is both reasonably rigorous while retaining a conversational tone.

For study I strongly encourage the use of original language tools, multiple translations, and rigorous critical thought.

Please remember that when you read the Bible in English you are always reading someone else’s theological interpretation of the text.

Everyday.

It is a constant.

Up or down, in pain or free, it is scripture, and the study of it, that is at the center of my life.

Which sounds really refined and intentional until you realize it is 3 AM and I just enjoyed a journey with Mark through Jesus’ life and a wonderful discussion of bodily discharges in Leviticus.

There is a shocking amount of bodily discharge in Leviticus.

It wasn’t always this way.

There was a day in life, long ago, when I was very much alone. When sleepless, or in pain, or bored… I had no answer but myself.

One day God changed that and I have never looked back.

The bible contains a much better answer.

Most years, I read the whole bible.

Often, when this comes up in discussion, friends will ask, “why?” and I’ve wrestled to find the truest answer to that.

At the start, I think it was the merit badges.

I was desperate to be better than the trainwreck I’d been and reading the bible more than the next guy was a cheap thrill and an easy way to feel good about myself.

Looking back I can see that I slipped on the identity God had given me in truth …and walked around in it as if it still wasn’t mine, something borrowed that must be returned.

I have to imagine that God probably smiled, and knew it would be good for me regardless.

So you have not received a spirit that makes you fearful slaves. Instead, you received God’s Spirit when he adopted you as his own children. Now we call him, “Abba, Father.” For his Spirit joins with our spirit to affirm that we are God’s children. And since we are his children, we are his heirs. In fact, together with Christ we are heirs of God’s glory.

Romans 8:15-17

Today, I think I most love the fact that I am not in control.

The glory of the merit badges faded and the security of trusting God’s driving became my comfort.

On those days when 3 AM beckons with some anxious pain, there is great comfort to me in the fact that I am submitted to listen, not to speak.

That I pick up the text and discover what God has to say.

Even when it’s bodily discharges.

Maybe especially when it’s bodily discharges.

There’s great comfort in the reminder of shared humanity, if you have eyes to see it.

Don’t get me wrong… I love to study the aspects of scripture that interest me. With fellows or alone, to dive into a book, and angle, or a theme… it can be glorious.

But that’s not what I’m talking about today.

I’m talking about the spiritual practice of submitting oneself to a discipline of scripture. Where, rain or shine, fear or faith, joy or sadness… you do the task at hand.

Day after day.

You pick the book up.

You read the allotment of the day.

You do it again the next day. And the next. And the next.

If you’ve never done this, it’s a fair question to ask… “what might you find?”

Myself, I have found worlds of peace, and of trust, I would otherwise not have known.

Precisely because I am not determining the subject at hand.

I pick it up.

I open it.

I submit myself to God, in scripture, and I find out what He had to say.

Each of these, submitting and listening, moving in fellowship, unclear as to their primacy.

I choose to trust God… and I set about wading through the bodily fluids of the israelites as they make their way through the desert.

“But what about at 2 PM on a Tuesday Daniel?”

At 2 PM on a Tuesday, it’s a different story.

In the business of life… the pragmatism of a discipline of scripture is wholly something else, and the bodily fluids of the israelites can be far less a comfort.

They call for endurance instead.

In that moment, when pain does not beckon, nor curiosity, nor interest… and I submit myself to scripture it trains yet another part of me.

Picture me between meetings, in a car, my heart full of the tasks of the day, addressing this endless opportunity to grow closer to God.

…if I want Him at 3 AM, here, at 2 PM …I do not.

In this moment I am busy.

That is a problem.

If at 3 AM I train that part of myself that believes it wants control, at 2 PM I think I train that part of me that believes it has it.

That needs to let go.

Teaching me again and again, ‘you don’t have it, and you don’t need it.’

…I really dig the way Eugene has it in ‘The Message.1’

“Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out on religion? Come to me. Get away with me and you’ll recover your life. I’ll show you how to take a real rest. Walk with me and work with me—watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I won’t lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. Keep company with me and you’ll learn to live freely and lightly.”

Matthew 11:28-30 (MSG)

“The unforced rhythms of grace.”

I love that.

That’s so true.

And so slowly, one day at a time, we go first one way and then the other. Him and I.

God shapes me, just as he shaped the israelites in the desert, as they wander back and forth.

God works to complete me, just as He promised.

And I am certain that God, who began the good work within you, will continue his work until it is finally finished on the day when Christ Jesus returns.

Philippians 1:6

It’s 4:30 AM now.

Tomorrow beckons.

And the question, of which of these things has more value? To submit to God in opening the book or in listening to God in what he has to say…?

I think the answer is a very careful, and precise, “yes.”

All scripture referenced is NLT unless otherwise noted. I prefer NLT for postural discussion as it is both reasonably rigorous while retaining a conversational tone.

For study I strongly encourage the use of original language tools, multiple translations, and rigorous critical thought.

Please remember that when you read the Bible in English you are always reading someone else’s theological interpretation of the text.

We had one year old daughters. Two of them. I was a volunteer minister. We both worked.

There was no room.

I wanted an intentional life, and I wanted one lived in close proximity to God.

I had begun a journey of becoming more intentional in my life with Him, and with my own self. The year previously -for the first time in my life- I wrote out goals for myself… and there was a problem.

“Take prayer retreat” was on my goals list from the previous year and it was now December.

When I’d written it down it’d sounded like a good idea.

… but life was busy. And a prayer retreat… it sounded weird, frankly. Maybe best left to the prophets in the bible.

And… two one year old daughters. Wife. Winter. And me leaving for… what?

I didn’t know.

That’s what killed me.

I knew I wouldn’t find out if I didn’t go.

So I went.

I stole a single night from a life that had no room for me to take anything.

It was… magical.

Just leaving was magical.

Realizing, in that moment, that I am actually the guy that does this… was magical.

Before I’d even done anything it was already a huge win.

It was a win because I had decided who I was going to be. And who I was going to be was a person that makes room for God.

And until the moment I did that, I wasn’t.

Walking out the door, I felt that.

That’s a thing.

And that’s my point. You can give yourself that too.

Come close to God, and God will come close to you.

James 4:8a

It’s like the rest of this holy-ghost-rollercoaster… you don’t actually need anyone’s permission except your own. God gave you the ticket. The only question is… ‘will you go?’

And, bluntly, the person least likely to give you permission is not some remote authority… it’s you.

So here’s what you do.

Open up your calendar right now, and pick a day. Then, go to expedia and book it.

Right now.

And then… go.

Make sure to tell me all about it.

As for what you will do? …I don’t know. ‘What will you do?’ is a question for you to answer. Finding that out is half the fun.

Me?

I took a bunch of post-its, listened to worship and pink floyd, did an inventory on who I am and want to be.

Prayed and ate pizza.

Stuck those post-its all over the windows.

Assessed my goals and made new ones.

First goal for the following year?

“Take 3-Day Prayer Retreat.”

But that’s me.

Who are you?

All scripture referenced is NLT unless otherwise noted. I prefer NLT for postural discussion as it is both reasonably rigorous while retaining a conversational tone.

For study I strongly encourage the use of original language tools, multiple translations, and rigorous critical thought.

Please remember that when you read the Bible in English you are always reading someone else’s theological interpretation of the text.

If there’s room to get on my knees… this comes up.

To understand, please accept the truth that I really don’t want to do this.

It’s embarrassing.

To be clear, it is not embarrassing to worship God.

It is entirely embarrassing to look like I want people to think I worship God.

I am positive that this prayer habit looks like I want to look like I’m very spiritual but got stuck trying to impress people.

I hate it.

In the world I was in charge of, forehead to the floor prayer in front of large groups of people would be saved for important moments of growth and conviction.

But I’m not in charge and this is how it goes, and that is what this is all about.

Me: I think I’ll skip putting my face on the ground at the front of the church today.

God: Why would you do that?

Me: It’s ridiculous. It’s an affected, ritualized, display of ‘me me me me’ and I’d really rather not. I don’t WANT to be the guy that just has to do that everytime.

God: Is that why you do it? Because you ‘have’ to?

Me: …no. But it is a bit compulsive. Surely a greater demonstration of willingness at this point would be to NOT do so?

God: You think not worshipping me would worship me better?

Me: …no. But what about your own words? What about Matthew 6:6? “But when you pray, go away by yourself, shut the door behind you, and pray to your Father in private.”

God: Isn’t that what this is? You choosing total privacy with me, right here in front of everyone? Isn’t that exactly what you’re doing? Making this space - this church service - entirely about Me and you? Is that wrong?

Me: …no. It just looks so ridiculous. I don’t look like I’m worshiping you. I look like I care what people think.

God: If you don’t care what they think… why are you worried about it? Are they right?

Me: …no.

God: Then why wouldn’t you?

That last… is such a good question.

God: Why wouldn’t you?

The rest is just noise.

In fact, worse than noise, the rest is total garbage getting in-between God and who I want to be - in love and unafraid, willing.

And so I do.

Wrestling out the exact difference between my fear of and worship of people and my love of and worship of God, I make a choice.

There, in front of everybody, in a way that has no ritual to it at all… because I fight it each and every time, I put my forehead on the floor. And nobody knows.

I probably look like I’m trying to look so spiritual.

I definitely look weird.

It’s not that.

My God said, “Why wouldn’t you?” and it turns out, I would.

Maybe next time He’ll say something different.

All scripture referenced is NLT unless otherwise noted. I prefer NLT for postural discussion as it is both reasonably rigorous while retaining a conversational tone.

For study I strongly encourage the use of original language tools, multiple translations, and rigorous critical thought.

Please remember that when you read the Bible in English you are always reading someone else’s theological interpretation of the text.

Just faster.

Let me save you the trouble of making that particular journey, here’s what you’ll find:

Atheist: Funny meme mocking a cruel and judgemental God

Christian: “You’re going to burn in hell, sinner!”

Atheist: (Points to the Christian) “See?”

And… that’s it.

Ya’ll wonder that no one is convinced?

Nevermind the internet… it’s just an easy example.

This is bigger than that.

If what people from outside of our faith see from Christians is what is represented above… why would they ever believe any different, outside (of course) the miraculous move of God?

(Which happens, all the time, thank you God!)

Would you?

It’s a real question.

If what you believed - right now, as a starting point - was that Christians are judgmental, unloving, self righteous, delusional, hypocritical idiots… then tell me… exactly what behavior would change your mind?

I somehow doubt that “burn in hell sinner!” would move the needle much.

Do we all need the reminder that every person in the conflict is our brother? Our sister? Nuestra familia?

That so are the tens, and tens of tens, and sometimes tens of thousands that get to witness these debacles on the internet, in the media, and in our living rooms?

Familia.

All.

I think that we need to talk about this. All of us.

This is our Father’s house, and the mission Jesus lived and died and lived to accomplish… to reach these incredible, tenacious, witty, and lost people who are throwing stones at the Church… and all the witnesses thereof.

Might there be a better way to minister than throwing stones back?

I mean… if we won’t speak up within our own faith and help each other learn to act, speak, and live like Jesus did… then what are we even doing?

And I gotta tell you… if the reason we won’t speak up is because we’re scared of the response we’ll get from inside-the-church for doing so… we have a much bigger problem.

(Much)

If the Church is going to ‘cancel’ us for having the guts to call out religious hypocrisy… then let’s get canceled.

Seems like a no-brainer that that is what Jesus would do.

Let’s do the Jesus thing.

Here’s how I’d much prefer the story went:

Atheist: Funny meme mocking a horrific-and-cruel-God

Christian: “Totally! That would suck! Thank goodness it’s not like that!”

Atheist: “Yes it is! You think it is!”

Christian: “No, no, I really don’t! But I get it! I used to think that too! Love-Grace-Forgiveness-Faith-Change!”

Atheist: “Come back and fight!”

Christian: “No thanks!”

But that just isn’t what happens.

Instead, all involved feed off each other, hate breeding more hate… and probably a lot of dopamine for all.

Kinda like the news cycle or an American town square, if you could somehow include all the stuff people normally save for behind closed doors.

It is a sadly natural high… just hate your neighbor.

Except, here’s the problem, we can’t claim Christ and do that at the same time and ‘win’.

Please… just picture His face right after we let loose with fire-and-holy-hell-judgement on one of His chosen-that-has-not-yet-come-to-table.

What’s that face going to look like?

Thrilled?

You and I are image bearers of God.

We’re also choosers.

We have to chose how much of His image we are going to actually ‘bear’ and how much of it is just innate or sort of ‘glued on.’

Like a cheap mask at high school halloween party.

But uglier.

When we ignore His every-single-lesson-ever on character and attack the very people He is dying to save - who bear just as much innate image as we do - we cannot expect to succeed at anything of meaning.

Sure, I mean, we can get likes, attendance, money, platform, or applause.

But He didn’t ask us to do any of that stuff. That’s not what He said, did, or is.

He talked about all that as temptations.

Not outcomes.

We’re talking about a man that died to convince the people killing Him that He wasn’t going to judge them.

Matthew 7:1-2

“Do not judge others, and you will not be judged. For you will be treated as you treat others. The standard you use in judging is the standard by which you will be judged.”

Maybe we all just need to read that again and reconsider the wisdom of condemning someone to hell?

Look.

I don’t know what exactly will trigger the following response from Jesus… but I would suggest that this space, where we make it harder for those that have not-yet-found-grace to find it - by using the righteousness of Christ to build lil’ sandcastles for our own egos…

…may just be the thing.

Matthew 7:21-23
“Not everyone who says to Me, ‘Lord, Lord,’ shall enter the kingdom of heaven, but he who does the will of My Father in heaven. Many will say to Me in that day, ‘Lord, Lord, have we not prophesied in Your name, cast out demons in Your name, and done many wonders in Your name?’  And then I will declare to them, ‘I never knew you; depart from Me, you who practice lawlessness!’”

Surely there is no greater lawlessness in the Kingdom than to take the laws of its King and bend them to justify our own selfish behavior while ignoring the spirit of everything Jesus taught?

If there is I can’t picture it.

It sounds like exactly what Jesus spent His ministry in active opposition to.

You just can’t be a prick and look like Jesus at the same time.1

(Sorry)

It just doesn’t work that way.

To do this right, and to teach others likewise, we have to act like, spend time with, and become like Jesus ourselves.2

Being like Jesus means speaking up. Loving people enough to say something. After all… how can we claim we love them if we do not?

And if we all do this together, we’ll have a whole lot of extra cheeks to turn if the ones we’re trying to serve decide to start throwing stones all at once from every direction.

Access to grace… is a pretty incredible thing.

I heard once that a man died to ensure we would always have that, forever more. …might be worth looking into that and doing what we can to be a part of that.

Rip down the barriers if we find them, and invite as many as we can to the party.

And again, as for grace, if I need some… please.

Practice on me.

All scripture referenced is NLT unless otherwise noted. I prefer NLT for postural discussion as it is both reasonably rigorous while retaining a conversational tone.

For study I strongly encourage the use of original language tools, multiple translations, and rigorous critical thought.

Please remember that when you read the Bible in English you are always reading someone else’s theological interpretation of the text.

In it, a King invites guests to a wedding for His son. All the people He invites reject him. So He invites everyone else, all the people no one would expect the King to invite.

And that all has always clocked for me.

The King is God.

The Son is Jesus.

The initial invitees are the Israelites.

The everyone-else-no-sane-king-would-ever-invite is you and all your friends.

But then it ends with this.

Matthew 22:11-14

But when the king came in to meet the guests, he noticed a man who wasn’t wearing the proper clothes for a wedding. ‘Friend,’ he asked, ‘how is it that you are here without wedding clothes?’ But the man had no reply.  Then the king said to his aides, ‘Bind his hands and feet and throw him into the outer darkness, where there will be weeping and gnashing of teeth.’

 For many are called, but few are chosen.

That has always thrown me.

My read was pretty simple, “What?!”

That.

It left me with a lot of questions, like…

Who is this guy?

Why be so hard on this guy? Afterall, the King invited him, the guy came, what gives?

So what that he isn’t wearing the right clothes? What are the right clothes?

What’s with the ‘no answer’ thing?

And why the extreme consequence?

Why is this dude cast “into the outer darkness, where there will be weeping and gnashing of teeth”? That’s generally accepted Jesus speak for Hell-or-its-equivilant.

So… why?

I never understood this.

Except now I do.

The guy is me.

The only mystery is why it took me so long to see it.

This is a parable about the cost and consequence of our indulging in cheap grace… long before Christians, or cheap grace, were actually things.

Worth thinkin’ about that for a second.

The lesson is simple, it is better not to accept the invitation to the wedding than to show up unappreciative of what an honor it is to be chosen.

Because it is an honor.

An extreme one.

Essentially… if you are going to accept that honor, wear it with honor.

That poor guy… had no answer because he just didn’t understand. He’d probably never considered that anything was required past his attendance. Maybe no one told him.

He was wrong.

That was me, ten years ago. In the Church, addicted, lying, not at all concerned with the perception of the King for His own house.

That is me, now. In the Church, scared to speak or act with the confidence of one who is chosen, unable to answer my God as to why I am not doing what I should.

These lives look completely different.

I tell you, it is the same thing.

If I am chosen then there are requirements.

For what not to do.

For what to do.

Both.

These lessons don’t sit well with culture today.

“Outer darkness, where there will be weeping and gnashing of teeth,” doesn’t read well to a Church that maybe - for the most part - wants to show up in street clothes. A church addicted to cheap grace.

Here, let’s add another log to the fire.

Proverbs 9:10

Fear of the LORD is the foundation of wisdom

Now THAT verse sounds flat in today’s world.

“Why should I have to fear God? God loves me!” and, “Fear doesn’t mean ‘fear’ it just means ‘care about,’ and, “That’s the old covenant,” are all the normal responses to this.

I disagree.

Fear means fear.

And it’s the foundation of wisdom because you are going to fear something. You will. You do.

Just like you are going to worship something. You will. You do.

The point is to build on the only smart choice.

Choose God.

If the world has a complaint against Christians it is the same complaint the King makes here - that they are not wearing the right clothes.

Some of my favorite conversations, with some of my favorite people, who are atheists, all fall on this same subject… and I find that often the atheist has a clearer picture of who and what Jesus is and stands for than do His followers.

They just don’t believe.

They got the invite, and chose not to come.

And part of what they provide as a reason for that is… “the Christians look nothing like Jesus.”

Here’s what they say:

The Christians worship judgement, not grace.

The Christians worship anger and self righteousness, not love and faith.

The Christians worship men in high tops, not Jesus in His sandals.

…are they really that wrong?

Maybe not for you, but in a broader picture?

Can you see this?

Can one look at the Church from outside the Church and see us dressed so poorly?

Is it possible that this is why this whole thing matters? Why your clothes matter?

Not just for you, or the King, but for the eyes of others? That we need to care about this, and that God cares about this, not from ‘pride’ but so that we might not discount the Grace of God for those others he is inviting… because we wear it so cheaply?

That cheap grace hurts everyone?

That this, all of this, boils down to the respect for God in His house, recognition of the value of grace received, and the ability to share that with others?

Does that sound like our God?

Matthew 22:36-39

Teacher, which is the most important commandment in the law of Moses?”

Jesus replied, “‘You must love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your soul, and all your mind.’ This is the first and greatest commandment. A second is equally important: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’

I think so.

All scripture referenced is NLT unless otherwise noted. I prefer NLT for postural discussion as it is both reasonably rigorous while retaining a conversational tone.

For study I strongly encourage the use of original language tools, multiple translations, and rigorous critical thought.

Please remember that when you read the Bible in English you are always reading someone else’s theological interpretation of the text.

Questions make us think. Questions teach us to work in our own power. Questions lead us to become leaders ourselves.

A question is a much more respectful posture than a statement, don’t you think?

I think so.

When I am asked a question I am invited in. My opinion and thoughts matter. I know that the person speaking doesn’t just want to hear themselves being right.

Can you think of anyone that did this better than Jesus?

I can’t.

A master of metaphor, storytelling, and questions, Jesus as a teacher has profound respect for His apprentices. For us. For you.

He doesn’t just tell us.

He asks us.

His every word and approach reveals profound mystery and discovery.

I think that’s why I’m always a little disappointed when my fellow apprentices of Jesus try to get rid of the questions and the mystery, and boil it down to hard facts.

That just isn’t what Jesus did.

I just don’t think we can try to be like Him and ignore this.

I think that if we are to teach other humans to follow Jesus we have to teach them the way that Jesus did.

Respectfully.

Aa shown to us by a Jesus that wasn’t afraid to be rejected.

A Jesus that did not force His way down others throats.

A Jesus that let His beloved students wrestle and struggle in mystery.

A Jesus that let His beloved students walk away with wrong ideas.

A Jesus that doesn’t get nearly enough credit for how much He respects us.

He lets us fail… knowing that He never will. That’s wild. Just think about that.

That way.

A way… that doesn’t really work very well in a Church that trends towards centralized speakers making declarative statements from elevated platforms into microphones that no one else has.

That way… not so much.

Which is where you come in.

Because you don’t have to do it that way.

You can ask questions.

You can admit weakness.

You can admit that occasionally on a Tuesday you maybe don’t believe any of it.

You can make all of it, every inch, good and bad, one more tool you use in following Jesus.

Are you following Jesus, today?

Then I don’t really see how there are any wrong answers in your yesterday process of getting to be where you are, right here, today. You can share all of it.

And then you can ask them, “what do you think?”

And meet people there there.

You don’t need anyone’s permission to do this.

The line of authority goes like this: Jesus and you.

That’s it.

You can lead others into faith with a profound respect for them, like Jesus did.

And if you don’t want to, or maybe, you just think others need to hear truth and certainty, or… maybe you’re just positive that all everyone needs is to just realize where they are wrong…

I guess I only have one thought for you.

How’s that working out for you?

Without further ado, here is a comprehensive list of the questions attributed directly to Him in the text. 1

As always, for readability, I use the NLT, except where noted I use the NIV

Matthew

1. 5:13 - "Can you make it salty again?"

2. 5:46 - "If you love only those who love you, what reward is there for that?"

3. 5:46 - "Are not even the tax collectors doing that?" (NIV)

4. 5:47 - "If you are kind only to your friends, how are you different from anyone else?"

5. 5:47 - "Do not even pagans do that?" (NIV)

6. 6:25 - "Isn't life more than food, and your body more than clothing?"

7. 6:26 - "And aren’t you far more valuable to him than they are?"

8. 6:27 - "Can all your worries add a single moment to your life?"

9. 6:28 - "And why worry about your clothing?"

10. 6:30 - "Why do you have so little faith?"

11. 7:3 - "And why worry about a speck in your friend’s eye when you have a log in your own?"

12. 7:4 - "How can you think of saying to your friend, ‘Let me help you get rid of that speck in your eye,’ when you can’t see past the log in your own eye?"

13. 7:9 - "You parents—if your children ask for a loaf of bread, do you give them a stone instead?"

14. 7:10 - "Or if they ask for a fish, do you give them a snake?"

15. 7:16 - "Can you pick grapes from thornbushes, or figs from thistles?"

16. 8:26 - "Why are you afraid?"

17. 9:4 - "Why do you have such evil thoughts in your hearts?"

18. 9:5 - "Is it easier to say ‘Your sins are forgiven,’ or ‘Stand up and walk’?"

19. 9:15 - "Do wedding guests mourn while celebrating with the groom?"

20. 9:28 - "Do you believe I can make you see?"

21. 10:29 - "What is the price of two sparrows—one copper coin?"

22. 11:7 - "What did you go out into the wilderness to see?"

23. 11:7 - "Was it a reed swayed by the wind?"

24. 11:8 - "What did you go out to see?"

25. 11:8 - "Was it a man dressed in expensive clothes?"

26. 11:9 - "What did you go out to see?"

27. 11:10 - "Was he a prophet?"

28. 11:16 - "To what can I compare this generation?"

29. 11:23 - "And what about Capernaum?"

30. 12:3 - "Haven’t you read in the Scriptures what David did when he and his companions were hungry?"

31. 12:5 - "And haven’t you read in the law of Moses that the priests in the Temple may work on the Sabbath?"

32. 12:11 - "If you had a sheep that fell into a well on the Sabbath, wouldn’t you work to pull it out?"

33. 12:26 - "If Satan drives out Satan, he is divided against himself. How then can his kingdom stand?" (NIV)

34. 12:27 - "And if I am empowered by Satan, what about your own exorcists?"

35. 12:29 - "For who is powerful enough to enter the house of a strong man and plunder his goods?"

36. 12:34 - "You brood of vipers, how can you who are evil say anything good?" (NIV)

37. 12:48 - "Who is my mother?"

38. 13:51 - "Do you understand all these things?"

39. 14:31 - "Why did you doubt?"

40. 15:3 - "And why do you, by your traditions, violate the direct commandments of God?"

41. 15:16 - "Are you still so dull?"

42. 15:17 - "Don’t you understand that the food you put into your body cannot defile you?"

43. 15:34 - "How much bread do you have?"

44. 16:8 - "Why are you arguing about having no bread?"

45. 16:9 - "Don’t you understand even yet?"

46. 16:9 - "Don’t you remember the 5,000 I fed with five loaves?"

47. 16:10 - "And the 4,000 I fed with seven loaves?"

48. 16:11 - "Don’t you understand that I’m not talking about bread?"

49. 16:13 - "Who do people say the Son of Man is?"

50. 16:15 - "But what about you?”

51. 16:15 - “Who do you say I am?"

52. 16:26 - "And what do you benefit if you gain the whole world but lose your own soul?"

53. 16:26 - "Is anything worth more than your soul?"

54. 17:17 - "You faithless and corrupt people! How long must I be with you?

55. 17:17 - ”How long must I put up with you?”

56. 17:25 - "What do you think, Simon?"

57. 17:25 - "Do kings tax their own people or the people they have conquered?"

58. 18:12 - "If a man has a hundred sheep and one of them wanders away, what will he do?"

59. 18:13 - "Won’t he leave the ninety-nine others on the hills and go out to search for the one that is lost?"

60. 19:4 - "Haven’t you read the Scriptures?"

61. 19:17 - "Why ask me about what is good?"

62. 20:21 - "What is your request?"

63. 20:22 - "Are you able to drink from the bitter cup of suffering I am about to drink?"

64. 20:32 - "What do you want me to do for you?"

65. 21:16 - "Haven’t you ever read the Scriptures?"

66. 21:25 - "Where did John’s baptism come from?"

67. 21:25 - "Was it from heaven, or was it merely human?"

68. 21:28 - "What do you think about this?"

69. 21:31 - "Which of the two obeyed his father?"

70. 21:40 - "When the owner of the vineyard returns, what will he do to those farmers?"

71. 21:42 - "Haven’t you ever read in the Scriptures?"

72. 22:18 - "Why are you trying to trap me?"

73. 22:20 - "And whose picture and title are stamped on it?"

74. 22:31-32 - "Haven’t you ever read what God said to you?"

75. 22:42 - "What do you think about the Messiah?"

76. 22:42 - "Whose son is he?"

77. 22:43 - "Then why does David, speaking under the inspiration of the Spirit, call the Messiah ‘my Lord’?"

78. 22:45 - "Since David called the Messiah ‘my Lord,’ how can the Messiah be his son?"

79. 23:17 - "Which is more important—the gold or the Temple that makes the gold sacred?"

80. 23:19 - "Which is more important—the gift on the altar or the altar that makes the gift sacred?"

81. 23:33 - "You snakes! You brood of vipers! How will you escape being condemned to hell?" (NIV)

82. 24:2 - "Do you see all these buildings?"

83. 24:45 - "Who is a faithful and wise servant?"

84. 26:10 - "Why criticize this woman for doing such a good thing to me?"

85. 26:40 - "Couldn’t you watch with me even one hour?"

86. 26:45 - "Are you still sleeping and resting?"

87. 26:53 - "Don’t you realize that I could ask my Father for thousands of angels to protect us, and he would send them instantly?"

88. 26:54 - "But if I did, how would the Scriptures be fulfilled that describe what must happen now?"

89. 26:55 - "Am I some dangerous revolutionary?"

90. 27:46 - "My God, my God, why have you abandoned me?"
    

MARK

1. 2:8 - "Why do you question this in your hearts?"

2. 2:9 - "Is it easier to say to the paralyzed man ‘Your sins are forgiven,’ or ‘Stand up, pick up your mat, and walk’?"

3. 2:19 - "Do wedding guests fast while celebrating with the groom?"

4. 2:25 - "Haven’t you ever read in the Scriptures what David did when he and his companions were hungry?"

5. 3:4 - "Does the law permit good deeds on the Sabbath, or is it a day for doing evil? Is this a day to save life or to destroy it?"

6. 3:23 - "How can Satan drive out Satan?"

7. 4:13 - "Don’t you understand this parable?"

8. 4:13 - "How then will you understand any parable?"

9. 4:21 - "Would anyone light a lamp and then put it under a basket or under a bed?"

10. 4:21 - "Doesn’t a lamp belong on a stand?"

11. 4:30 - "How can I describe the Kingdom of God?"

12. 4:40 - "Why are you afraid?"

13. 4:40 - "Do you still have no faith?"

14. 5:9 - "What is your name?"

15. 5:30 - "Who touched my clothes?"

16. 5:39 - "Why all this commotion and weeping?"

17. 6:38 - "How much bread do you have?"

18. 7:18 - "Don’t you understand either?"

19. 7:18 - "Can’t you see that the food you put into your body cannot defile you?"

20. 8:5 - "How much bread do you have?"

21. 8:12 - "Why does this generation seek a miraculous sign?"

22. 8:17 - "Why are you arguing about having no bread?"

23. 8:17 - "Don’t you know or understand even yet?"

24. 8:17 - "Are your hearts too hard to take it in?"

25. 8:18 - "You have eyes—can’t you see?"

26. 8:18 - "You have ears—can’t you hear?"

27. 8:18 - "Don’t you remember anything at all?"

28. 8:19 - "When I fed the 5,000 with five loaves of bread, how many baskets of leftovers did you pick up afterward?"

29. 8:20 - "And when I fed the 4,000 with seven loaves, how many large baskets of leftovers did you pick up?"

30. 8:21 - "Don’t you understand yet?"

31. 8:23 - "Can you see anything now?"

32. 8:27 - "Who do people say I am?"

33. 8:29 - "But who do you say I am?"

34. 8:36 - "And what do you benefit if you gain the whole world but lose your own soul?"

35. 8:37 - "Is anything worth more than your soul?"

36. 9:12 - "Why do the teachers of religious law insist that Elijah must return before the Messiah comes?"

37. 9:16 - "What are you arguing about?"

38. 9:19 - "You faithless people! How long must I be with you?"

39. 9:19 - "How long must I put up with you?"

40. 9:21 - "How long has this been happening?"

41. 9:23 - "What do you mean, ‘If I can’?"

42. 9:33 - "What were you discussing out on the road?"

43. 9:50 - "How can you make it salty again?"

44. 10:3 - "What did Moses say in the law about divorce?"

45. 10:18 - "Why do you call me good?"

46. 10:36 - "What do you want me to do for you?"

47. 10:38 - "Are you able to drink from the bitter cup of suffering I am about to drink?"

48. 10:51 - "What do you want me to do for you?"

49. 11:17 - "The Scriptures declare, ‘My Temple will be called a house of prayer for all nations,’ but you have turned it into a den of thieves."

50. 11:30 - "Was John’s authority to baptize from heaven, or was it merely human?"

51. 12:9 - "What will the owner of the vineyard do?"

52. 12:10-11 - "Haven’t you read this Scripture?"

53. 12:15 - "Why are you trying to trap me?"

54. 12:16 - "Whose picture and title are stamped on it?"

55. 12:24 - "Are you not in error because you do not know the Scriptures or the power of God?" (NIV)

56. 12:26 - "But regarding the resurrection of the dead, haven’t you ever read about this in the writings of Moses?"

57. 12:35 - "Why do the teachers of religious law claim that the Messiah is the son of David?"

58. 12:37 - "Since David himself called the Messiah ‘my Lord,’ how can the Messiah be his son?"

59. 13:2 - "Do you see these great buildings?"

60. 14:6 - "Why criticize her for doing such a good thing to me?"

61. 14:14 - "Where is the guest room where I can eat the Passover meal with my disciples?"

62. 14:37 - "Simon, are you asleep?"

63. 14:37 - "Couldn’t you watch with me even one hour?"

64. 14:41 - "Are you still sleeping and resting?"

65. 14:48 - "Am I leading a rebellion?"

66. 15:35 - "Eloi, Eloi, lema sabachthani?"

Luke

1. 2:49 - "Didn’t you know that I must be in my Father’s house?"

2. 5:22 - "Why do you question this in your hearts?"

3. 5:23 - "Is it easier to say ‘Your sins are forgiven,’ or ‘Stand up and walk’?"

4. 5:34 - "Do wedding guests fast while celebrating with the groom?"

5. 6:3 - "Haven’t you read in the Scriptures what David did when he and his companions were hungry?"

6. 6:9 - "Which is lawful on the Sabbath: to do good or to do evil, to save life or to destroy it?"

7. 6:32 - "If you love only those who love you, why should you get credit for that?"

8. 6:33 - "And if you do good only to those who do good to you, why should you get credit?"

9. 6:34 - "And if you lend money only to those who can repay you, why should you get credit?"

10. 6:39 - "Can one blind person lead another?"

11. 6:41 - "And why worry about a speck in your friend’s eye when you have a log in your own?"

12. 6:42 - "How can you think of saying, ‘Friend, let me help you get rid of that speck in your eye,’ when you can’t see past the log in your own eye?"

13. 6:46 - "So why do you keep calling me ‘Lord, Lord!’ when you don’t do what I say?"

14. 7:24 - "What did you go out into the wilderness to see?"

15. 7:25 - "Were you expecting to see a man dressed in expensive clothes?"

16. 7:26 - "Were you looking for a prophet?"

17. 7:31 - "How can I describe the people of this generation?"

18. 7:42 - "Which of them will love him more?"

19. 7:44 - "Do you see this woman?"

20. 8:25 - "Where is your faith?"

21. 8:30 - "What is your name?"

22. 8:45 - "Who touched me?"

23. 9:18 - "Who do the crowds say I am?"

24. 9:20 - "But who do you say I am?"

25. 9:25 - "And what do you benefit if you gain the whole world but are yourself lost or destroyed?"

26. 9:41 - "You faithless and corrupt people!"

27. 10:15 - "And you, Capernaum, will you be honored in heaven?"

28. 10:26 - "What does the law of Moses say?"

29. 10:36 - "Now which of these three would you say was a neighbor to the man who was attacked by bandits?"

30. 11:11 - "You fathers—if your children ask for a fish, do you give them a snake instead?"

31. 11:12 - "Or if they ask for an egg, do you give them a scorpion?"

32. 11:18 - "And if Satan is divided and fights against himself, how can he stand?"

33. 11:19 - "And if I am empowered by Satan, what about your own exorcists?"

34. 11:40 - "Didn’t the Maker of the outside also make the inside?"

35. 12:6 - "What is the price of five sparrows—two copper coins?"

36. 12:14 - "Friend, who made me a judge over you to decide such things as that?"

37. 12:20 - "Then who will get everything you worked for?"

38. 12:25 - "Can all your worries add a single moment to your life?"

39. 12:26 - "And if worry can’t accomplish a little thing like that, what’s the use of worrying over bigger things?"

40. 12:42 - "And who is a faithful and wise manager?"

41. 12:51 - "Do you think I have come to bring peace to the earth?"

42. 12:56 - "Why can’t you understand the signs of the times?"

43. 12:57 - "Why can’t you decide for yourselves what is right?"

44. 13:2 - "Do you think those Galileans were worse sinners than all the other people from Galilee?"

45. 13:4 - "And what about the eighteen people who died when the tower in Siloam fell on them?"

46. 13:7 - "So why should it use up the ground?"

47. 13:15 - "You hypocrites!"

48. 13:16 - "Then should not this woman, a daughter of Abraham, whom Satan has kept bound for eighteen long years, be set free on the Sabbath day from what bound her?” (NIV)

49. 13:18 - "What is the Kingdom of God like?"

50. 13:20 - "How can I illustrate it?"

51. 14:3 - "Does the law permit healing on the Sabbath or not?"

52. 14:5 - "If your child or your ox fell into a well, wouldn’t you rush to get him out?"

53. 14:28 - "Won’t you first sit down and estimate the cost to see if you have enough money to complete it?"

54. 14:31 - "And what king would go to war against another king without first sitting down with his counselors to discuss whether his army of 10,000 could defeat the 20,000 soldiers marching against him?"

55. 14:34 - "Salt is good for seasoning. But if it loses its flavor, how do you make it salty again?"

56. 15:4 - "Wouldn’t you leave the ninety-nine others in the wilderness and go to search for the one that is lost until you find it?"

57. 15:8 - "Wouldn’t she light a lamp and sweep the entire house and search carefully until she finds it?"

58. 16:11 - "And if you are untrustworthy about worldly wealth, who will trust you with the true riches of heaven?"

59. 16:12 - "And if you are not faithful with other people’s things, why should you be trusted with things of your own?"

60. 17:7 - "When a servant comes in from plowing or taking care of sheep, does his master say, ‘Come in and eat with me’?"

61. 17:8 - "Would he not rather say, “Prepare my supper, get yourself ready and wait on me, while I eat and drink?" (NIV)

62. 17:9 - "And does the master thank the servant for doing what he was told to do?"

63. 17:17 - "Didn’t I heal ten men?"

64. 17:17 - "Where are the other nine?"

65. 17:18 - "Has no one returned to give glory to God except this foreigner?"

66. 18:7 - "So don’t you think God will surely give justice to his chosen people who cry out to him day and night?”

67. 18:7 - “Will he keep putting them off?"

68. 18:8 - "But when the Son of Man returns, how many will he find on the earth who have faith?"

69. 18:19 - "Why do you call me good?"

70. 18:41 - "What do you want me to do for you?"

71. 20:4 - "Was John’s baptism from heaven, or was it merely human?"

72. 20:15 - "What will the owner of the vineyard do to them?"

73. 20:17 - "Then what does this Scripture mean?"

74. 20:24 - "Show me a Roman coin. Whose picture and title are stamped on it?"

75. 20:41 - "Why do they say the Messiah is David’s son?"

76. 20:44 - "Since David called the Messiah ‘Lord,’ how can the Messiah be his son?"

77. 22:11 - "Where is the guest room where I can eat the Passover meal with my disciples?"

78. 22:27 - "Who is more important, the one who sits at the table or the one who serves?"

79. 22:27 - “Is it not the one who is at the table?”

80. 22:35 - "When I sent you out to preach the Good News and you did not have money, a traveler’s bag, or an extra pair of sandals, did you need anything?"

81. 22:46 - "Why are you sleeping?"

82. 22:48 - "Judas, would you betray the Son of Man with a kiss?"

83. 22:52 - "Am I leading a rebellion?"

84. 23:31 - "What will happen when the tree is dry?"

85. 24:17 - "What are you discussing so intently as you walk along?"

86. 24:19 - "What things?"

87. 24:38 - "Why are you frightened?"

88. 24:41 - "Do you have anything here to eat?"

John

1. 1:38 — “What do you want?”

2. 2:4 — “Woman, why do you involve me?” (NIV)

3. 3:10 — “You are a respected Jewish teacher, and yet you don’t understand these things?”

4. 3:12 — “If you don’t believe me when I tell you about earthly things, how can you possibly believe if I tell you about heavenly things?”

5. 4:7 — “Will you get me a drink?” (NIV)

6. 4:35 — “Don’t you have a saying, ‘Four months between planting and harvest?” (NIV)

7. 5:6 — “Would you like to get well?”

8. 5:44 — “How can you believe since you accept glory from one another but do not seek the glory that comes from the only God?” (NIV)

9. 5:47 — “But if you don’t believe what he wrote, how will you believe what I say?”

10. 6:5 — “Where can we buy bread to feed all these people?”

11. 6:61 — “Does this offend you?”

12. 6:67 — “Are you also going to leave?”

13. 6:70 — “Haven’t I chosen you, the Twelve?”

14. 7:19 — “Why are you trying to kill me?”

15. 7:23 — “Why should you be angry with me for healing a man on the Sabbath?”

16. 8:10 — “Where are your accusers?”

17. 8:43 — “Why can’t you understand what I am saying?”

18. 8:46 — “Which of you can truthfully accuse me of sin?”

19. 8:46 — “And since I am telling you the truth, why don’t you believe me?”

20. 9:35 — “Do you believe in the Son of Man?”

21. 10:32 — “I have shown you many good works from the Father. For which of these do you stone me?”

22. 10:34 — “Doesn’t the Scripture say ‘I have said you are gods’?”

23. 10:36 — “Why do you call it blasphemy when I say, ‘I am the Son of God’?”

24. 11:9 — “Are there not twelve hours of daylight in a day?”

25. 11:26 — “Do you believe this, Martha?”

26. 11:34 — “Where have you put him?”

27. 11:40 — “Didn’t I tell you that you would see God’s glory if you believe?”

28. 12:27 — “Father, save me from this hour.”

29. 13:12 — “Do you understand what I was doing?”

30. 13:38 — “Will you really lay down your life for me?”

31. 14:9 — “Have I been with you all this time, Philip, and yet you still don’t know who I am?”

32. 14:10 — “Don’t you believe that I am in the Father and the Father is in me?”

33. 16:5 — “…now I am going to him who sent me. None of you asks me, ‘Where are you going?’” (NIV)

34. 16:19 — “Are you asking yourselves what I meant?”

35. 18:4 — “Who are you looking for?”

36. 18:7 — “Who are you looking for?”

37. 18:11 — “Am I not to drink from the cup of suffering the Father has given me?”

38. 18:21 — “Why are you asking me this question?”

39. 18:23 — “If I said something wrong,’ Jesus replied, ‘testify as to what is wrong. But if I spoke the truth, why did you strike me?’”

40. 18:34 — “Is this your own question, or did others tell you about me?”

41. 20:15 — “Dear woman, why are you crying?”

42. 20:15 — “Who are you looking for?”

43. 21:5 — “Friends, have you caught any fish?”

44. 21:15 — “Simon son of John, do you love me more than these?”

45. 21:16 — “Simon son of John, do you love me?”

46. 21:17 — “Simon son of John, do you love me?”

47. 21:22 — “If I want him to remain alive until I return, what is that to you?”

    ---

    All scripture referenced is NLT unless otherwise noted. I prefer NLT for postural discussion as it is both reasonably rigorous while retaining a conversational tone.

    For study I strongly encourage the use of original language tools, multiple translations, and rigorous critical thought.
    

    Please remember that when you read the Bible in English you are always reading someone else’s theological interpretation of the text.

    Thanks for reading sometimes slowly! Subscribe for free to receive new posts and support my work.

That’s a fact.

And, for those of us practicing the way of Jesus, surrendering our life is what… life is all about.

And life… is messy.

There’s a lot to it.

As a Christian, the reality is that a lot of it is hard to see. It’s hidden, in our hearts, in our motives, and no one besides God really knows what’s going on there. Often, we don’t really know ourselves.

The realms of the heart and of the mind can be murky.

And yet… that’s where the action happens.

That’s what Jesus tells us is the important stuff. It’s kind-of-but-not-really His whole thing… He takes the Law of the Old Covenant and breaks it open across the years of His ministry and says, “Yes, this, but deeper!” and instructs us in the work of our hearts and of our mental life.

He advocates against box checking and for scouring the depths of our intentions and willingness, again and again.

Nowhere is this more clear than in the Sermon on the Mount.

Across three chapters of Matthew He teaches on the motivational realities of love, anger, lust, greed, generosity, ego, jealousy, money and anxiety. It’s amazing… go read it! Seriously… if you don’t know it… you’ll do much better there than here.

This is where you will find Him saying things like, “love your enemies,” “turn the other cheek,” and, “you are the light of the world.”

You know this stuff… even if you don’t know it.

I love it.

I want it… but there’s a problem.

…

I’m terrible at it.

Because the trick is doing it. Being it. And… I’m. Not. It.

So, seeing this… I have really fancy questions, like…

How?

How do I consistently go deeper and avoid the traps of getting stuck checking boxes? Of being the thing that looks like the thing but isn’t actually the thing? That thing?

How do I do this when no one can see the reality of my struggle besides God himself?

How do I do this when I am so much better at looking Christian than being like Jesus?

(That is a problem)

And what I have found, and this may seem counterintuitive, is that this is the moment I’m really (really) glad that I have a body.

That in the reality of myself as a physical and embodied being, God has given me a starting point and a practice that is accountable, visible, and inline with everything else He teaches me.

To look past the surface. To go deeper. To not flinch from the hard work.

…this was a hard won spot for me to get to.

I used to see this very differently.

Let me explain.

I used to think life was like a video game.

I had so much ‘life’ that I could spend, and, that my body was a tool I controlled and used as I navigated my choices to get what I want. Spend a bit here, spend a bit there.

Like a driver getting into his car and ready to go.

Nothing more, nothing less.

I lived this way as an addict. I lived this way as a workaholic. I lived this way as a religious perfectionist.

Go speed racer go.

This is a wonderfully Western idea of life.

Life as ‘apex-consumerism’… yours to use up as you see fit.

The result?

…the thing I would ask any and all is the same thing that was asked of me… and that has been asked by every wise counselor since time began (I love those guys).

“…and how’s that working out for you?”

Every Wise Counselor

The problem with this idea of life as a game… is that it isn’t true.

This isn’t how I respond to and with life …and my saying so doesn’t make it so.

Because while I am not only my body… I am definitely also my body. Pretending that I am not… doesn’t make my choices regarding it any less impactful to my emotional life and spiritual life…. because… it’s all one thing.

No separation.

One life, of body, mind, and spirit, all needing work.

The effort to separate it out… not happening.

And, as I dug deeper into my bible I found that I actually had to go further… and conclude that I was a body which is - critically - also a dwelling place of the spirit of God.

The Christian, it turns out, is not only a body, but a body with a Holy responsibility. The bar is higher.

1 Corinthians 6:19-20

Don’t you realize that your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit, who lives in you and was given to you by God? You do not belong to yourself, for God bought you with a high price. So you must honor God with your body.

Everyone has eyes to see this.

1 Corinthians 10:31

So whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God.

Why do so few act on it?

Romans 12:1

And so, dear brothers and sisters, I plead with you to give your bodies to God because of all he has done for you. Let them be a living and holy sacrifice—the kind he will find acceptable. This is truly the way to worship him.

Why limit the application of these verses to avoiding horrific decisions?

If it is right that I should not profane the temple, then surely… should I not go a step further and honor it?

Maybe do a bit more than avoiding vice… and clean up the front steps? No?

…please keep in mind, I’m not saying, ‘let’s all fit in a neat box of contemporary beauty,’ …I am asking, are we doing as indicated above?

…I do wonder, is it possible that God might care about all this, just a bit? That I am not accidentally-posessing-of a body?

That He made it this way, on purpose? You know, being God and all?

I wonder, is it logical, looking at ourselves, to ask if there might be some relationship between body, mind, and spirit… seeing as we seem to be all three?

I think that’s an interesting question.

So… why don’t we deal with this? Generally?

I think, for the Christian, that much of our contemporary consumer church experience gives us a set of unfortunate outs in either a life lived now that is carnal, feeds appetite, and misses this entirely, or, that focuses on life lived after this one in almost total exclusion of the life God gave us here and now.

You know, the one where He asked us to do all the things.

I think that’s unfortunate.

I think that when Jesus said He came that we might live life in full… He meant it.

John 10:10 (NKJV)

I have come that they may have life, and that they may have it more abundantly.

…if that’s what Jesus promised, and we’re following Him… anything else should look like chains.

Chains that look… common.

As common as grace is uncommon, and particular. As common as the sin we had walked into grace to escape.

I mean… to be honest, if this is who we are, if this is what is real, we should do better.

It should be visible, our temple-ness.

Shouldn’t it?
…

So… what happened?

I think that our striving to ‘run the race in front of us’ has for many turned into a well-intentioned-fatalism.

An unfortunate view of Gods word as a ‘Basic Instruction Before Leaving Earth’ inhabits today’s church …an idea that seems to miss so much of what Jesus died to put in our hands… including a ridiculous and abundant gift of life lived in full, here, now.

I mean… just look at how kids play video games.

Then go look at the crowd at the mall.

Then look at how kids play video games.

Then go back to the mall.

I mean… it’s the same thing.

Just slower.

A short story about Daniel talking to God at the mall:

God: Which of these people are mine and are present as living temples to my glory?

Daniel: Uhm… that really fit couple over there?

God: No, they’re just vegans and into crossfit.

Daniel: Man, they have really pretty skin. Is that the vegan bit?

God: Yes… just because I said you all could eat animals (Genesis 9:3) didn’t mean it’s actually better for you. You’re loosing the thread. Which of these people…

Daniel: Uhm. Thinking. Uhm… ooh! Oooh! Look at that family there, huge smiles, active, they look really healthy inside and out!

God: Hindu.

Daniel: Hindu. Huh.

God: Yeah. Super low divorce rate too.

Daniel: Huh.

“Who are these people who are the temples of the spirit?” I wonder as I look at the crowd.

The answer?

Don’t know.

God does.

All I can say is that I would want to be one of them.

Let’s circle back to the point.

The point is that the reality of a life surrendered is hard. Life, in body, mind, and spirit are all challenging and all need surrendering.

The motivational calling of Jesus to wrestle out the nuance and depth of a clean mind and spirit is slippery, daunting, and hard to hold accountable.

And the body… is a mess.

Everything defaults to poor habits, gravity continues to drag it all south, and we are blessed (stuck) with the reality of our bodies as temples and a church that, overall, maybe doesn’t look like it’s dealing with that.

Sound right?

So the question, and my point in that, is, “is there a clue to all the above in addressing and dealing with the more mundane of the three,‘the body?’”

I think there is.

Here’s why.

Our call to surrender ourselves to God - body, mind, and spirit - is outwardly and easily accountable only in the body.

The slippery slope of motivational maladies that happen with the mind and spirit are much harder to get stuck in with the work of the body because it lacks the emotional drama of everything mind and spirit.

The work of the body creates evidence. It is practical. It is visible.

Your intentional ownership of yourself in this space is something that you will see, that you will have to act out as more than thoughts, or words.

It is a wonderful space to practice the disciplines that challenge you.

Here, a few examples…

Example 1: Fasting

Having a hard time dealing with an internal motivational or heart issue? Maybe you get resentful or jealous. And you’re terrible at handling it in the moment.

Try fasting.

…because fasting fixes heart issues? No.

…because fasting makes you holy and puts you closer to God? No.

…because fasting is going to put you at war with desire and train you to follow through on your convictions?

Yes.

Example 2: Nutrition

Having a hard time with consistent sin habits and struggle you just can’t quit?

Try nutrition.

…because healthy people don’t sin? No.

…because the cultural moment says eat-right-live-right? No.

…because self image is real, and because somewhere in drawing a line in the sand over what you will and will not do you’ll learn something about saying ‘no’?

Yes.

Example 3: Exercise

Having a hard time developing positive habits… like the time you know you should spend in your bible, but don’t, or, the time you know you should spend in prayer… but don’t?

Try exercise.

…because?

…isn’t it clear?

Because the way we keep the temple of God, matters.

Because in disciplining our bodies, we train our minds and spirits.

Because God created us this way, on purpose.

This is how it works.

This isn’t an accident.

We have to take ownership of ourselves, there’s no avoiding that.

We have the chance in our body to learn habits in a space we can see and touch.

We get a benefit from doing this work that goes past our bodies and into Gods heart, our hearts, and deep into our minds.

We learn to do hard things.

We learn to go without.

We learn to admit our weakness.

We learn to deal with appetite.

We learn to take control.

Having taken control we can surrender control.

Having surrendered control we have done with our gift of image-bearing-ness, what God has asked of us.

And, like Jesus, in some teeny, tiny, small and insignificant way, we endure.

And in obedience, discipline, and surrender we choose God’s way over our own.

Hebrews 12:1

…let us strip off every weight that slows us down, especially the sin that so easily trips us up. And let us run with endurance the race God has set before us.

So let’s go.

Take off the helmet. Surrender the car. Get out of the driver’s seat and onto our knees.

Lose the controller.

I double dare you.

Try it.

Be as intentional with your physical life as you wish you would be with your spiritual life and then come and tell me what happens.

I’ll do the same.

Let’s go and do this.

Let’s see what happens next.

Let’s go and do this right now.

Now.

(Amen)

All scripture referenced is NLT unless otherwise noted. I prefer NLT for postural discussion as it is both reasonably rigorous while retaining a conversational tone.

For study I strongly encourage the use of original language tools, multiple translations, and rigorous critical thought.

Please remember that when you read the Bible in English you are always reading someone else’s theological interpretation of the text.

In every way I can think of.

It’s two years ago and how good everything was is not the point… I had lost the thread of what was God’s, what was mine, and what following God actually means.

He whispered something in my ear that I didn’t like, and, in the middle of all sorts of activity, I froze.

I got scared.

I got scared of what I had heard from God.

I got scared of what my convictions told me to do.

I got scared to ‘faith’ any further (it’s a verb!).

And… I stopped.

Because there was a question.

I wish I hadn’t heard the question but I did.

And, hearing, I listened.

And, listening, it needed answering.

The question, which was quite familiar, was, “…did God really say…?”

…yeah.

Eve, sister, I get you.

Genesis 3:1

The serpent was the shrewdest of all the wild animals the Lord God had made. One day he asked the woman, “Did God really say…”

It is a very compelling question.

One I didn’t know the answer to.

Go back two years before my stuckness… to 2020… and I think I can explain.

It starts with Ravi.

Ravi Zacharias was an influential pastor in evangelical America that had founded and led a large church that had celebrity, lots of campuses, and all the contemporary stuff that no one should care about but that everybody does.

He had it all, inclusive of a fall and a sex scandal.

The unfortunate reality of the American church paradigm.

The news about Ravi Zacharias comes out... and it changed my world. At least, it should have. It certainly changed my heart.

I was just too scared to change my life to suit.

To understand… you probably need to know that I don’t, and didn’t, care about the the man’s celebrity. I was not particularly surprised. I was not particularly disappointed.

It was… predictable.

It was the latest of a great, great, great many stories of a failure of the leadership of those who steward the Gospel to look anything like it.

It was, sadly, business as usual.

But something struck me that day.

Something clear.

The thing that struck me was another question, and a simple one, “why?”

Why does it not work in this way?

This particular way?

Why exactly this?

Is it yet more snakes? A pile of them? Whispering in the ears of the innocent servants of the faith and pulling them astray?

Maybe.

I think we have to consider the question.

But, ‘the devil made me do it,’ is the weakest argument of the weakest minds and, bluntly, should not be an acceptable discussion point when considering the behaviour of those whose entire job… is to teach others how to engage the gospel of grace.

Something is broken.

The questions become what, and, still, why?

We need to consider that the very people we tend to blame are in fact victims too.

We should ask ourselves if these members are perhaps trapped inside of cultures of pressure that do not allow them to be what they preach - and - that a great lie, that they are or should be ‘great men,’ is preventing them from being good ones.

Something needs to change.

The question needs to be answered.

“Why?”

And so that’s when and where my heart changed.

This question.

“Why?”

My heart wanted to work, here, on this.

To figure out where the snakes are and how to help our friends carry their Christianity with less burden. To make a mess and see if there is anything I can do to be of value in this discussion.

To look an ask hard questions of our assumptions as to how models, power, systems, control, money, and influence all work in our body.

I just… wasn’t ready.

I even started a blog… to talk about exactly these issues… and then never spoke up.

Not. Even. Once.

For two years.

Sometimes slowly indeed.1

So I kept walking and both tried to honor the thought and I tried to avoid doing… this uncomfortable thing that it seemed like I needed to do.

To talk, plainly, about the elephant in the room. To stand outside the fence, and point at the issues.

I just couldn’t make myself do it.

All I ever wanted was to be inside that fence.

So I tried to sandwich this conviction - this calling - into roles within institutional church that it couldn’t work with. Never could have. I wanted my cake and to eat it too.

I was a child.

And so God, having given me this remarkable '“yes” to work on, started saying “no,” to a lot of other things.

Like you do with a child, when you need them to pay attention.

God relentlessly, generously, aggressively pruned the shape of my heart as it related to His Church and His purposes.

It was amazing.

It was painful.

It was incredibly inconvenient.

And so I made hard decision after hard decision and put down the childish things God had asked me to set aside… but I still didn’t pick up the one thing He had asked me to do.

I was tortured with a constant set of questions, “…did God really say?” and, “…but who am I?” and, “…what will the cost be?”

…and it left me with not much to do.

(Good parenting!)

Until today.

I didn’t mean to, but looking back, I pulled a Jonah.

Jonah 1:1-3

“The word of the Lord came to Jonah son of Amittai… but Jonah ran away from the Lord”2

Except Jonah did that because He wrestled with the injustice of God’s remarkable grace being given to a people such as he would find in Nineveh.

He found his whale on principle.

I was mostly just scared.

So… did God really say?

…

I don’t know.

(I’ve never known.)

In all the years of privilege in which men and women would ask me, “How do I tell what is ‘God’ vs what is ‘just me’ in my heart? How do I know?” …my answer was always the same3.

You don’t.

Not until you try.

It is in the heat of the willingness towards obedience that you - and I - will discover what was God, and what was not.

And that’s when there’s usually another question, “But what if I’m wrong? What of the cost?”

…my answer was always the same here as well.

No one ever regrets trusting God.

I have never heard someone say, “I shouldn’t have trusted God,” and, I don’t think that I ever will.

It is, on reflection, challenging to be the guy who says things like that.

Because those are good words.

My heart? My courage? Not so much.

It is, I think, reasonable, that God might look at such a one and blink a bit, waiting to see the willingness to ‘be’ what one has taught others to ‘do.’

That seems like good parenting to me.

So to, with time, the request that your child put their toys away.

Clean up their mess.

And become willing to engage the work of the day.

And that’s where we are.

That is the present moment. Frankly, it’s a relief and I am excited to dive in.

…I am here.

Send me.

All scripture referenced is NLT unless otherwise noted. I prefer NLT for postural discussion as it is both reasonably rigorous while retaining a conversational tone.

For study I strongly encourage the use of original language tools, multiple translations, and rigorous critical thought.

Please remember that when you read the Bible in English you are always reading someone else’s theological interpretation of the text.

I have been this way my entire life.

I have had the privilege of serving as a minister, counselor, friend, and pastor to those dealing with this issue and was entirely blind to the fact that I struggled here.

Biggest thing in the room… missed it.

I have worked on this, with great effort, between myself and God and my most precious relationships across the last few years… and it has been the hardest work of my life.

I’m going to share about what I’ve learned - and - try to offer a definition and set of tools that can help.

I’ll be playful.

But it is a serious subject.

So I’ll be serious too.

But make jokes sometimes.

What is Codependency?

Codependency is wildly misunderstood. …which I can say with certainty because everyone disagrees as to what it is.

It is, I think, at the end, a malady of motivation.

It is what happens when my ‘why’ for my behaviour with other people shifts from ‘my business’ to ‘not my business,’ and gets stuck there.

And I think it’s really that simple.

And, in it’s genesis it is often, though not always, entirely benign.

We all do this.

We want to be helpful.

We want to protect.

We want to solve.

We want credit.

We want love.

Like so.

But …why? The ‘why’ is what makes it unhealthy. Because somewhere in the slippery slope of our own motivations… we lose the path.

Instead of being helpful we become enabling.

Instead of being loving we become controlling.

The road to hell is paved with good intentions… no?

I would suggest that, in codependency, we have effectively discovered ‘hell’ with much greater definition than scripture ever provides.

Leaving a later weeping and gnashing of teeth to the side, I would suggest that hell is what happens within the self when one does not manage one’s motivations with other people with care.

It is also what happens when one does the same with drugs, alcohol, money, sex, power, control, fear, and on and on and on (and on).

That there is plenty of weeping and gnashing of teeth to be found, now.

Hell, as always, is what we do to ourselves when we cut ourselves off from God.

The problem, of course, is that the codependent likes to blame the pain and difficulty on other people, or, on a judgemental God.

I suggest that neither is the case.

I suggest that mine and your problem with other people is not them but our way of relating to them - and - that our God loves us so much that we have the power to leave the self imposed hells we are in whenever we are willing to recognize we did it to ourselves.

Blaming God and other people doesn’t work.

Accountability does.

Turns out… if you find yourself in hell, you don’t need to worry about going there.

You just need to leave.

And yes, you have the power to do so.

Defining Codependency.

The definitions available in the world for ‘codependency’ are entirely lacking.

They are driven and rooted in the fact that discussion of this term derives from the concept of the ‘co-alcoholic’ (which is fair, that’s what started the conversation 50 years ago)…

…and, like any good moment to miss the forest for the trees, the definitions have all gotten stuck on this particular variation of the behaviour.

Language has not caught up with reality.

Here’s a few we can find with minimal effort:

Wikipedia:

“codependency is a theory that attempts to explain imbalanced relationships where one person enables another person's self-destructive behavior such as addiction, poor mental health, immaturity, irresponsibility, or under-achievement.”

Or,

Google:

“characterized by excessive emotional or psychological reliance on a partner, typically one who requires support on account of an illness or addiction.”

Or,

Miriam:

“a psychological condition or a relationship in which a person manifesting low self-esteem and a strong desire for approval has an unhealthy attachment to another often controlling or manipulative person

These definitions are a mess.

They all mean well but, at the end of the day describe a system between two people that requires specific responses and patterns from both people.

Let’s assume for just a second that this was the ONLY type of codependence possible… it would still be entirely broken as a definition.

If - if this were true… how do I as a ‘codependent’ deal with ‘my’ codependency given the definition?

I couldn’t.

The definitions above are all sadly ...codependent. None of the available terms, definitions, and diagnostic tools take the time to look at the individual.

Which is… deeply ironic. And hilarious. And horrible.

Because I don’t need another person to do ANYTHING to be codependent.

It is something that happens in me, in relation to how I look at others, treat others, and the role I give others in my motivations.

All I really need to do is to lose sight of the fact that I am enough, and that other people are too.

Codependency is not a two party system.

It only takes one.

Here’s my swing at a pragmatic definition of codependency. Someone feel free to let Miriam’s know.

“Codependence is a dysfunction of behaviour by one person towards another in a space of relationship regarding agency and role, wherein the codependent party either attributes too much agency (and becomes dependent and subservient) or too little agency (and becomes controlling and enabling) to another person.”

It’s worth noting that these two expressions of the behaviour work really well together. I think we will almost always find codependents huddled together.

Like rabbits.

But… what about God?

Spiritually, this is even simpler.

Spiritually, this is even truer.

Because this is all about God.

Spiritually speaking, codependency is what happens a person elects themselves to become God to another person - or - makes another person God to themselves.

Here’s my effort at a spiritual definition of codependency.

Spiritually, codependency is the behavior in which one person, in a space of relationship with another, supplants God of His rightful role in either person’s life, wherein one person assigns God’s power in their own life to another person, or, assigns to themselves God’s power in another person’s life.

You don’t actually need another person to do anything to make this happen.

Because codependence isn’t actually about the other person.

This is the great lie of codependency.

If you’re the codependent then the other person… is just a stand in. You may think you’ve made them too important… but you haven’t. Don’t be surprised if they feel cheapened by how ‘God like’ you’ve made them, or, by how much you try to be God to them.

Because codependency is always a failure to respect someone as an image bearer of God.

Always.

Even when they don’t understand it, they feel it.

Genesis 1:27

So God created human beings in his own image. In the image of God he created them…

Maybe you fail to respect someone else that way.

Maybe yourself.

But either way… it’s not really about the other person.

It’s about you.

And God.

But mostly about God.

But what about the old definitions?

That such patterns show up with high frequency among the broken moments of relational life like addiction… does not describe a cause, it reveals a symptom.

Codependence is a reasonable coping mechanism if you don’t understand you’re stabbing yourself in the eye.

If you want to protect someone and aren’t clear of the boundary of God’s role in both lives… why wouldn’t you try to fix them?

If you want to be protected and aren’t clear of the boundary of God’s role in both lives… why wouldn’t you make someone else responsible?

We see it thrive in spaces with addiction and abuse because the triggers for it - a mix of love, inconsistent boundaries, a desire to help, an esteem issues - are brought to the surface by the behaviours.

Relating codependency to addiction, alcoholism, or abuse is like relating a disease to a subset of the population that exhibits it.

Just because all the rabbits have hiccoughs doesn’t make hiccoughs a rabbit disease.

People get hiccoughs too.

(I don’t actually know that rabbits get hiccoughs. It just worked with the narrative)

Just because the human beings who live in a space adjacent to addiction and abuse often exhibit codependency doesn’t mean that’s what codependency is.

#%$&!!?

That’s insanity. Circular. Nonsense.

Just as with codependency itself, we got here with the best of intentions.

…but that doesn’t make it true.

Indeed, I would suggest that the healthiest codependents are in fact exactly the ones that live inside of cycles relating to addiction and abuse… because they have a very good reason to be there. These situations are traumatic and existentially threatening… these are humans doing the very best they can.

…what cause do the rest of us have?

…and why is no one talking about this?

Is it possible that the private hell of codependency, and it’s self enslavement, is so inherently embarrassing absent a clear cause… that nobody wants to look at it?

Well. I guess I’m volunteering.

I suggest we emancipate each other and give ourselves permission to deal with the issue.

This is something that is far to easy for the self to do to the self for us to blame ourselves - or each other - for doing so.

You don’t need another person to be anything in particular for you to decide to be, act, and live a codependent life.

All you have to do is cross an internal motivational line about whats yours, what’s theirs, and why you do things.

All you have to do is double down on solving others problems or needing others to solve yours.

All you have to do is forget who God is, and isn’t, and then again the next day.

That’s it.

If you’ve wondered if you’re codependent but could never put your finger on it because no one was doing heroin… surprise.

You probably are.

All scripture referenced is NLT unless otherwise noted. I prefer NLT for postural discussion as it is both reasonably rigorous while retaining a conversational tone.

For study I strongly encourage the use of original language tools, multiple translations, and rigorous critical thought.

Please remember that when you read the Bible in English you are always reading someone else’s theological interpretation of the text.

Himself, along with Jesus, are the examples we are given in scripture of a ‘model,’ of whom to be.

There really aren’t any others.

And, where Jesus is given to us as God become man, purest perfection amidst the mystery of incarnation… Job is simply man.

A really really good one.

Job is given to us as an example of capacity, humility, faith and posture… amidst a very human life that becomes filled with enormous tragedy.

Enormous tragedy that we are given to see that God allows to be sent to him… seemingly as a reward for how good he is.

The first couple chapters of Job read like a direct recommendation to not try so hard.

The God of Job 1-2 reads like a capricious child that doesn’t value his things.

Job 1 8-12

Then the Lord asked Satan, “Have you noticed my servant Job? He is the finest man in all the earth. He is blameless—a man of complete integrity. He fears God and stays away from evil.”

Satan replied to the Lord, “Yes, but Job has good reason to fear God. ¹⁰ You have always put a wall of protection around him and his home and his property. You have made him prosper in everything he does. Look how rich he is! ¹¹ But reach out and take away everything he has, and he will surely curse you to your face!”

“All right, you may test him,” the Lord said to Satan. “Do whatever you want with everything he possesses, but don’t harm him physically.” So Satan left the Lord’s presence.

Ouch.

No thank you.

And so God allows His adversary to attack Job, as a challenge to God…. that Job would lose that shine, that simple perfection of his heart when things didn’t go his way.

Except he doesn’t.

In the space of that tragedy, a human life filling with what seems to be limitless pain and difficulty… children, health, wealth, all wiped out… relationship with dearest friends and wife, all distorted and wounding…

Job finds his edge.

Job doesn’t betray God.

And he and God get to work.

And that’s where the story goes.

Job, through the last several chapters, finds truth about himself and his relationship to God he never could have, or would have, found without the adversity.

I do NOT want to put words in the mouth of Gods best example of human life lived at a fully human level… but I get the sense it was all worth it.

That the horrific, painful, difficult surgery Job went through was the only way to get to the underlying issues that existed between himself and God…. however subtle they might be.

Job 42 :5-6

“I had only heard about you before,
but now I have seen you with my own eyes.

I take back everything I said,
and I sit in dust and ashes to show my repentance”

He was, by the end of it, more like His God, and more like Jesus, than he was at the start.

He had come into better harmony with the family of faith in the persons of men like Abraham or Moses in seeing and knowing God directly.

He had come into closer alignment with Jesus, both because of his character and also in the suffering.

He was magnificent.

God was even more so.

I am the opposite of this.

That’s the thought I wanted to share.

Whereas with our good friend Job, God allowed to him to be brought calamity after calamity to find a needed refinement… all God had to do with me was give me what I wanted.

And I collapsed under the weight of my own poverty.

There, in the space I had everything I had ever wanted, I learned how poor I really was.

Because I’m not Job.

I’m the guy that wants the credit for being him, without ever paying the price.

And God says, “That. We will work on that.”

And it’s really, really good… and I know God in that, intimately.

And I become more like His son.

And He blesses me.

But not because I’m so good.

Because I’m not.

And in the space where He blesses me I can see, clearly, how utterly dissatisfying all the things I wanted were and are.

Because my heart.

Psalm 139:23-24

Search me, O God, and know my heart;
test me and know my anxious thoughts.

Point out anything in me that offends you,
and lead me along the path of everlasting life.

Because of my riches.

Matthew 5:3

“God blesses those who are poor and realize their need for him,
for the Kingdom of Heaven is theirs.”

Because of where I stored my treasure.

Matthew 6:21

”For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.”

And here, now, I am humbled.

But not like Job.

Like me.

Thank you Lord for giving me what I wanted, in pretty much every respect… you have been shockingly generous with me in all of my desires in life.

Had you not done so I do not know that I could have ever seen so clearly what I need.

I wish I was a better servant and friend, I repent of how scared I am, all the time.

I do not know how to change that.

You have done your part.

Please, Lord, help me to do mine.

All scripture referenced is NLT unless otherwise noted. I prefer NLT for postural discussion as it is both reasonably rigorous while retaining a conversational tone.

For study I strongly encourage the use of original language tools, multiple translations, and rigorous critical thought.

Please remember that when you read the Bible in English you are always reading someone else’s theological interpretation of the text.

The sheep lived on a farm with the other sheep, and the Shepherd.

The young sheep walked with his herd and, on occasion, would get confused as to where he fit, sometimes on his own and sometimes with the other sheep. He would get stuck, or lost, with the Shepherd helping him find his way.

One day, after a particularly rough go of it, the Shepherd came to the young sheep and said, “Come, follow me.”

And so the young sheep did.

He followed the shepherd over hills, through valleys, and across the streams. The Shepherd led him to food and space to rest.

The sheep loved the Shepherd.

The Shepherd loved the sheep.

They walked this way for some time. The sheep always at the Shepherds’ side. It became harder and harder to tell the two apart. It seemed, mostly, as if they were one thing.

The Shepherd would look at the sheep and was pleased.

Here, he thought, was a sheep to point to. Look how it followed him! If only the other sheep would do likewise!

And so thinking this way, it occured to the Shepherd an idea.

So, one day, the Shepherd came to the young sheep and announced, “I have a job for you,” the young sheep entirely focused on his words, “I want you to feed my other sheep.”

And, though it was not visible from the outside, the young sheep was enormously excited.

It was as if stars had burst from joy in the young sheep’s heart.

Small explosions of dopamine fueled certainty that this was it, this was the moment.

It was, truthfully, what he had always wanted.

Everytime he had been stuck. Everytime he had been lost. Everytime he had been frustrated. He had always thought, knew, hoped that he was different.

Special.

Chosen.

He had looked around at the many sheep around him and wondered, “Am I no different than the rest?”

And now, suddenly, he was.

And so he set about it.

And the sheep were fed.

And the sheep followed.

And the Shepherd was pleased.

And time passed.

And then, one day, the Shepherd was called away.

He turned to the young sheep and said, “I will be back. I do not know exactly when.”

He paused, and gave clear instruction, “Remember that I love you. Please remind the others that I love them as well, that I am their shepherd, and that I will be back… and otherwise… please keep doing what you are doing. Be a faithful helpful sheep. Please help me shepherd the flock.”

And, just like that, he left.

Where the Shepherd had stood was only grass, as far as the eye could see.

The young sheep looked around.

And, for the others, nothing much had changed.

But for the young sheep? Everything. Following the Shepherd was his life. And the Shepherd was gone.

But, all in all, the young sheep knew he had a job to do. So he set about doing it.

He told the sheep that the Shepherd loved them.

He told the sheep that the Shepherd would be back.

He told the sheep that the Shepherd was still their shepherd.

But the other sheep didn’t listen.

And they kept getting lost.

And they kept getting stuck.

It was a problem.

So the young sheep helped.

He helped them when they were lost.

He helped them when they were stuck.

He was, all in all, enormously helpful.

He would do anything for the Shepherd. He would do anything to not let him down.

His job became his everything.

All he wanted, he told himself, was to do it better. He racked his mind for ideas, for ways, for things to do.

“Surely,” he thought, “the sheep would listen to me better if I stood on two legs,” and so he stood on two legs.

And the sheep listened.

“Surely,” he thought, “the sheep would eat better if I wore clothes,” and so he wore clothes.

And the sheep ate.

“Surely,” he thought, “the sheep would follow better if I held a shepherds crook,” and so he found and carried a crook.

And the sheep followed.

And all the while, he never noticed that he had begun to talk and think about ‘the’ sheep rather than ‘us’ sheep, or ‘we’ sheep or even, maybe, ‘me’ sheep.

He was trying to be the Shepherd.

But he wasn’t.

He was a sheep.

Dressed up in shepherd’s clothing.

“These sheep don’t listen to me!” he thought in frustration, “These sheep are ba-a-a-a-d. The Shepherd will be angry! This must stop!”

“Surely,” he thought, “they would be ready to follow the Shepherd better if the believed I spoke with his voice?”

“Surely,” he thought, “they would believe that easier if I looked more impressive and had a nicer cloak?”

“Surely,” he thought, “it is understandable I would need to embellish, just a bit?”

And so he stood up tall with his shepherd’s staff in his hand and he told the sheep that he spoke with the Shepherd’s voice. He told them about the anger of the Shepherd, and they were made to be afraid.

He asked them to make him robes of golden wool, and to always follow his words with scripted responses.

And, for a while, things were better.

The sheep followed.

The sheep ate.

But the young sheep was restless… it was all so… unsatisfactory. He worked all the time and it was never done. All of his time went into helping the other sheep eat! How was he supposed to take care of himself? “What,” he thought, “about me?”

“Surely,” he thought, “I would lead the sheep better if I didn’t need to think or worry about food?”

“Surely,” he thought, “the Shepherd would want me to not just feed the sheep today but help prevent tomorrow’s problems too?”

“Surely,” he thought, “the sheep and Shepherd will all be best served if all of the food comes through me… after all, am I not the only one thinking of both?”

And so he stood tall in his shepherds outfit, with his shepherd’s crook, upon two legs and he spoke in the Shepherd’s name and told the sheep that he should have control of the food, as much as they could bring.

That from it he would bless other sheep that needed it. And that if they did this, the Sheppard would be enormously happy with them. He implied, carefully, it likely that more food for them would result.

And what could the sheep do? The young sheep spoke with the Shepherd’s voice. So they gave him their food.

And for a little while things were better.

The sheep followed.

The sheep ate.

And then, one day, the Shepherd came home.

The Shepherd, joyful, called out to his sheep, but they wouldn’t come.

The Shepherd, joyful, ran to his flock, but they would retreat.

Some would flinch.

Some would turn away.

Most simply paid no attention.

Something had changed.

They no longer knew or trusted the Shepherd.

The Shepherd grew angry, “What has happened to my sheep?” he thought, “And what has happened to the young sheep I left here?” he wondered, concerned for the sheep that he had loved that had loved him so much, sure that something terrible must have happened to him.

And it had.

He found the young sheep nestled in a bed of food, golden robes and shepherds hook cascaded around him.

Seeing him thus the Shepherd quickly understood and he began to weep. He saw and knew that the issues with the other sheep would resolve, but that this one here, his beloved, was in deep and dire pain with so much confusion and good intention all wrapped together.

The Shepherd picked him up, waking him from sleep, the young sheep letting out a loud bleat of surprise and alarm.

“I can explain…” the young sheep started.

“You do not need to. I understand,” the Shepherd said, holding him, then setting him down, the young sheep standing on two feet as he was wont to do.

And, one decision at a time the Shepherd restored him.

The Shepherd took his hook.

The Shepherd took his golden robe.

The Shepherd set him back upon his four feet.

All the while the sheep was in tears, not understanding, not knowing why the Shepherd would take his hook, his robe, or his position.

“Why have you taken my things?” he asked, brokenly, confused and hurt.

“But I haven’t,” the Shepherd said with wonder, “these things are mine.”

The young sheep struggled and realized this was true, but it all seemed so horribly unfair. “Yes… but why have you taken them?” he wondered aloud, “I’ve worked so hard to do as you have asked. I’ve given and learned so much.”

The Shepherd was moved with compassion for the sheep.

“Because it is time for new lessons, new tasks, and new learning. I want good for you, and we will find it.”

The young sheep struggled… “Yes… but it was so hard to care for the sheep. It cost me… everything. I’ve been so lonely. What am I supposed to do?”

He could see that the sheep meant well, which is all he had ever asked for from the sheep.

He smiled.

The Shepherd loved the sheep dearly.

The sheep loved the Shepherd.

“I want you with me, at my side,” he told the sheep. “For all the days of your life, to walk with me, across the meadows and through the valleys. Let me reward you in this way. Be my Helpful Sheep. Help me with my flock, use all you have learned with me here, at your side and as we go.”

The young sheep turned, looking with some odd mixture of longing and disgust at the robes and hook he had worn, remembering the embarrassment of standing on two legs, the good intentions of it all. The ugliness of it all.

He shook his head. “But… I’ve learned and seen so much. I’m different now. I don’t know... I am afraid. I am afraid! I am afraid I will be even more alone than I have been.”

And the Shepherd stopped. He had heard the sheep. And he understood. It touched his heart. And he smiled.

“You do not need to be. I too understand something of loneliness. Till the very end of it, I promise you, we will have each other.”

And the sheep was assured.

Though it didn’t show from the outside, small bonfires of radiance lit in his heart as he realized he was free again to follow the Shepherd.

Tiny explosions of dopamine fueled clarity occured as he let go of knowing how and what would have to happen next and remembered with finality the certainty of mystery.

“But where are we going?” he asked.

“Why don’t we find out together?” The Shepherd said, smiling once more, as the Shepherd and the Helpful Sheep walked forward.

They walked this way for the rest of the Helpful Sheep’s days, until, eventually, he was a very old sheep.

He was always at the Shepherd’s side, though he ranged further and further to the left or the right as he went about the Shepherd’s business, as he would.

Their walk became a journey.

Their journey became a story.

The Shepherd and his Helpful Sheep.

It became harder and harder to tell the two apart. It seemed, mostly, as if they were one thing.

Because they were.

Until one day, when the old sheep, no longer young, lay his head down for the final time.

He looked up at the Shepherd and asked, “Do you remember? When I stood on two legs?”

“Sheep cannot stand on two legs.” The Shepherd replied.

“But I remember…” the old sheep said, “You helped me, again…”

“And I remember,” the shepherd said, “that you helped everyone else.” And the Shepherd smiled, the sort of smile that gets confused with sunlight because it is so simple, so pure. The kind of smile that embarasses the wicked, reminding them of their nakedness.

It was a good smile.

The best.

And the Helpful Sheep breathed his last, contented and at peace, and not at all lonely.

And the Shepherd and all the sheep gathered together to celebrate him, this Helpful Sheep. The other sheep bowed low in honor of this sheep that none of them remembered as walking on two legs, wearing a golden robe or carrying a crook.

But rather, they remembered him as their friend.

But if they had, what tragedy they would have reflected, ‘a sheep that forgets it is a sheep.’

And what glory, they would have mused, with ‘four feet on the ground.’