Thank you for your participation in my journey.

I started this collection of thoughts in 2021 to create a space to be honest with both God and others, for fear that if I did not, I might never do so.

But… I’ve held back.

I have been careful to prune words and questions that I think are too weird. Too hard. To try to lead, softly, to a willingness to ask questions.

I’ve played it safe and have remained easy to digest.

Like the modern miracle of lactose-free milk.

That’s me.

So… let’s move to solid food.

I would rather count the cost, wrestle with hard questions, live as if I believed the invitation mattered, and address both the problems of the church and those of cheap grace.

To go ‘all in.’

For me, doing that means sharing a set of questions and reflections that I call ‘spiritual pragmatism,’ which I’ve never even tried to make digestible. I’m not even sure they are coherent or reasonable. Let’s find out.

It may not be your thing at all. That’s okay. It will probably be a little bit different. We will see.

Either way, the intention is to ask questions and find as much of God as one can, and I am grateful to have you with me.

Your friend,

Daniel Carpenter

The clock is just about empty, the story just about over, and there is time for one, maybe two more gestures.

What do you want to do?

In the past, I would have worried about getting the answer right.

About all the edges and motives.

About all the risks and limitations.

I just don’t care anymore.

That thinking looks very weak for me now.

For me. God has been telling me this for years and years and I’ve been slow to listen.

There isn’t time.

It is time to move.

God: Go and feed my sheep.

Me: Totally. I’ll find the right church and plug in, for sure.

God: That’s not what I said. Go and feed my sheep.

Me: I will. Just let me get the house done and we’ll start having people over, no problem.

God: That’s not what I said. Go and feed my sheep.

Me: Yeah, 100%. I just need to figure out a few things first… I have all these doubts about myself, I just don’t want to screw it up, dirty your name… maybe if I can get a few people to sign off on it?

Me: …

Me: God?

Do you do this?

I do this.

I put off the call of God with a perfectly clear heart.

I had a thought about Paul the other day.

What if he’s not the radical-bull-headed-highly-difficult-person I think he is?

What if he just actually believes what he says?

Is it a reasonable question?

What do you think?

If Paul simply believes what he preaches, that the time is short, that the kingdom is all, the work great, and that eternity beckons… does all his wild willingness and behavior follow?

I think maybe it really does.

That it truly actually is just that.

That is deeply convicting.

What does that imply that we believe? You and I?

Not quite as much, perhaps?

There’s just no question that the call of God is a required priority.

Now.

Luke 9:59-6

He (Jesus) said to another person, “Come, follow me.”

The man agreed, but he said, “Lord, first let me return home and bury my father.”

But Jesus told him, “Let the spiritually dead bury their own dead! Your duty is to go and preach about the Kingdom of God.”

Jesus is right now. Jesus isn’t going to be your backup option.

So it’s a simple question, has He called you?

What has He called you to?

And if He has, are you ready?

The man in the story wasn’t.

He had things to do, needed just a moment.

He didn’t get one.

“Come and follow me” Jesus said.

What’s it gonna be?

All scripture referenced is NLT unless otherwise noted. I prefer NLT for postural discussion as it is both reasonably rigorous while retaining a conversational tone.

For study I strongly encourage the use of original language tools, multiple translations, and rigorous critical thought.

Please remember that when you read the Bible in English you are always reading someone else’s theological interpretation of the text.

That we are saved, really, isn’t.

That we are saved is the most basic fact of our universe.

It is not the point.

It is the foundation.

The point is what we do with it afterwards.

Do you know why the programs of Alcoholics Anonymous and others like them work?

It isn’t because people want to get sober.

Those rooms are full of people who have wanted to get sober and failed for years.

Those programs work because they have singular function: to connect people to the person of God and a greater purpose in connecting people to God and a greater purpose.

And that’s it.

(Sound familiar?)

This is why to the person who has been sober for years, their sobriety isn’t very interesting.

Their life is.

It becomes full of the people and the purposes of God, or they relapse.

So the question is… do you really think we are so different?

And the follow-up is… do we look like it?

Me: Thank you God for saving me!

God: You said that yesterday.

Me: …I was grateful yesterday too!

God: Were you? What did you do with it?

Me: I praised you! Thank you!

God: I think we need to have a talk.

Picture it.

Is it us?

Luke 18:9-14

Then Jesus told this story to some who had great confidence in their own righteousness and scorned everyone else: “Two men went to the Temple to pray. One was a Pharisee, and the other was a despised tax collector. The Pharisee stood by himself and prayed this prayer: ‘I thank you, God, that I am not like other people—cheaters, sinners, adulterers. I’m certainly not like that tax collector! I fast twice a week, and I give you a tenth of my income.’

“But the tax collector stood at a distance and dared not even lift his eyes to heaven as he prayed. Instead, he beat his chest in sorrow, saying, ‘O God, be merciful to me, for I am a sinner.’ I tell you, this sinner, not the Pharisee, returned home justified before God. For those who exalt themselves will be humbled, and those who humble themselves will be exalted.”

There is a lot here.

Note one bit only.

The tax collector has something to do. He has a life he needs to change. He has amends to make. He certainly has a gospel of mercy he can share.

The Pharisee does not.

Luke 7:47

“But a person who is forgiven little shows only little love.”

We need to be the tax collector.

We need to recognize, accept, and act on the reality that we have much that needs to be forgiven.

Right now.

Today.

And then go and teach others how to do the same.

We are saved to a purpose.

Luke 10:37

…Jesus told him, “Go and do likewise.”

That is the purpose.

If we are going to follow Jesus, we need to actually follow Jesus.

Jesus walked to Jerusalem.

Jesus walked to Cavalry.

Most of us have a hard time walking at all.

The couch is compelling.

We have so many minutes left in this life.

And then it will end.

What do you think we should do with it?

God: Are you saved?

Me: Yes, thank you so much!

God: You don’t look saved.

Me: Wait… what? What do you mean? You saved me, didn’t you?

God: That’s my point. You look scared.

So here’s the question.

If God saved us and we believe that… then what are we so scared of?

Or… do we not believe it?

We were bought for a price once and for all time.

We have been given a guarantee of safety for all of eternity.

We are saved to a purpose now.

Are we doing it?

Or do we look scared? Do I?

Do you?

Matthew 28:19-20

Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age.

I have been tremendously scared.

I am ready to change.

All scripture referenced is NLT unless otherwise noted. I prefer NLT for postural discussion as it is both reasonably rigorous while retaining a conversational tone.

For study I strongly encourage the use of original language tools, multiple translations, and rigorous critical thought.

Please remember that when you read the Bible in English you are always reading someone else’s theological interpretation of the text.

A discussion of the commandment to the Sabbath and what it is an answer to.

A slice of my brain got caught behind a blood clot in the M2 artery, and died.

It was the scariest thing I have ever experienced.

It was the greatest wake-up call I have ever had.

The morning of the stroke, I went to my desk to do the work of the day, and I started to write messages… except I couldn’t.

What came out was more like '“mxl p thy’ybedeas.”

It was a problem.

It was a problem I didn’t want to look at, hoping, against all reason, that it would go away.

That was my answer.

Pretend the problem isn’t there.

Super good plan.

I got lucky.

God smiled at me.

He did something, He spoke, I listened, and a couple of hours later, I’m standing at my desk having typed “my mind is not broken and I can write.”

And that’s amazing.

Truly.

I’m grateful.

Except… I see another problem I don’t want to look at. One I think is a lot more important than my stroke.

Before I get to that… can I ask you a question?

If you believed that God was really for you, what would you try to do?

Like, really.

Truly.

What would you do?

If you could not fail?

Is there nothing you would do differently?

I know exactly what I would do.

I just don’t know how.

The problem I see is that eternity is real.

And looking at ‘us,’ generally, this is a huge problem.

Because we do not live this way.

I don’t.

The logic is simple, if inconvenient.

Eternity is either real and is a space that you and I will inhabit together, or everything we believe is wrong.

Eternity either exists in time as we understand it, and we will share that time together, or everything we think we understand about eternity is wrong.

That tells us some things.

It tells us that this life, now, is just a glimpse that will then be a cherished memory.

This life, now, is our only chance to decide who we are in our own imperfection before perfection is given to us as grace, then.

This life, now, is our only chance to confront evil, to risk on the gospel, and declare who we are before God resolves history then.

This life, now, is our only chance to stand.

So…

Who do you want to be?

What do you want to remember in eternity?

What are you scared of?

…for myself?

I’m scared I will never try.

I think in eternity there will be a campfire.

We will sit together, and we will tell stories.

We will prize the stories we fear living today - of dreams exceeding reach, of faith in painful adversity, of total failure, and of utter willingness.

We will tell these stories in a perfect place where risk is not possible.

We will tell these stories in the revealed kingdom where faith is unneeded.

We’re going to sit there, inside of the perfect safety that we are promised, and we are going to look back on now with intense respect for the people who live, now, as if they actually think this is all true.

So here’s my radical idea that a million and one people have had before…

Let’s do it.

Let’s be those people.

Together. And then, one day, we can sit together at that campfire, and we can talk about when we were young, and the world was broken, and we lived inside of the glory of the promise of the Son.

Let’s risk, faith, and dream beyond reasonable ambition.

Let’s plant churches, try things, and serve people in the love of God every way we can.

Let’s be a part of and partner with people who want to try things.

Let’s cry loud and mean it, “God send me! Use me!”

Tell the Lord. Tell your friends. Tell everyone. See who it is that wants to do the work of diving in with us… and then let’s get to work.

Let’s take risks while we still can.

Let’s have faith when it matters.

Now.

Mark 9:24

…“I do believe, but help me overcome my unbelief!”

All scripture referenced is NLT unless otherwise noted. I prefer NLT for postural discussion as it is both reasonably rigorous while retaining a conversational tone.

For study I strongly encourage the use of original language tools, multiple translations, and rigorous critical thought.

Please remember that when you read the Bible in English you are always reading someone else’s theological interpretation of the text.

I am.

Left to my own devices I would never leave my house. I would sit around and fantasize about all the things that could go wrong - or - studiously avoid that line of thought through distraction.

In my teens and twenties that was drugs and alcohol.

I think, looking at it form the outside that I probably looked reckless. Aggressive. Wild.

I was afraid.

It can be hard to look at something as out of control as illicit drug use and think ‘control,’ but that’s exactly what it was.

Drugs gave me a sense of control in a world I did not trust.

Push a button, feel different.

Push a button, forget to be afraid.

Control.

Anxiety.

Fear.

That was my life.

And, when God freed me from drugs that was still my life, and the subject of most of my conversation with him.

God: Daniel, do you trust me?

Me: I don’t know. I want to.

God: But what’s the point in not trusting me?

Me: I don’t understand.

God: If you can’t trust me, aren’t you done-for anyways? Why bother?

Me: I don’t understand.

God: If I’m not who I say I am, if I’m a jerk, what can you do about it?

Me: Nothing?

God: Nothing. …so why not just trust me? Nothing else makes sense.

He was right.

If God was a jerk, I was screwed. Nothing in between.

If God was a jerk, I couldn’t trust him and it wouldn’t matter how dialed in I was, how perfect my execution.

If God was a jerk, I had absolutely no defense.

None.

There is no controlling for a God you cannot trust.

So… why did I keep treating Him like a jerk?

My life was full of plans and approaches that all presumed on God being… a jerk.

Harsh.

Deceptive.

Tricky.

The internal pressure of my life was off-the-charts as I worked the edge of soul raw following every rule, implied rule, conditional rule, tug of my heart with… fear.

God: What if you’re doing all the right things, but you’re doing it for the wrong reasons?

Me: I don’t understand.

God: What if I am who I say I am?

Me: I don’t understand.

God: What if I’m not a jerk?

Lightbulb.

What if God is who He says He is?

For I know the plans I have for you,” says the Lord. “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope.

Jeremiah 29:11

What if God means it, in these and a hundred other verses?

And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them.

Romans 8:28

What would my life look like if I just acted like I believed it?

How would my behaviour change?

What would I do different?

I think these are remarkable questions.

Because the truth is that I would be remarkably different.

I saw it.

I decided to do something about it.

I got to work.

I started taking risks.

Because that’s what faith is.

I still treat God like He’s a jerk. Everytime I deal with a lesson and learning about how I do that, I find another one.

Maybe you will do better.

But on the whole?

We’ve come a long way God & me.

Every now and then I manage to treat God like I really trust Him and I get to see the miraculous.

Sometimes.

But mostly I just understand that I live inside of a story, and I am not the storyteller.

It’s a lot less pressure when you’re right sized about your job description.

It’s a lot less fear when you decide you can trust the storyteller.

I wonder what will happen next?

All scripture referenced is NLT unless otherwise noted. I prefer NLT for postural discussion as it is both reasonably rigorous while retaining a conversational tone.

For study I strongly encourage the use of original language tools, multiple translations, and rigorous critical thought.

Please remember that when you read the Bible in English you are always reading someone else’s theological interpretation of the text.

It’s a wonderfully honest question.

Simple.

Rich with backstory questions like, ‘How do I know this is real? What if I’m just an idiot? Maybe this is all wish fulfillment? What if there is no God and I am nuts? What if God is speaking to me but I can only hear myself?”

And on, and on, and on.

“How do I know it’s God?”

I’ve only ever found one answer. You have to try.

Hear me out, I think the logic is sound.

So if this is you, and you think the God of the universe is speaking to you in your heart, through experience, through narrative, out loud… you name it… one of two things is true:

1. You are crazy.

2. God is real.

Those are the only options.

And that’s where the question comes in… because what has to happen, to look at the truth of what is happening… is that you or I need to act on what God tells us.

To create data.

We need to listen to the pull, voice, nudge, story, harmonic, vibe… and maybe even the occasional 3rd party prophecy… and see what’s on the other side of that bridge.

…actually ‘do’ the indicated thing.

Because if the God of the universe is speaking to you, you can trust him.

Because if the God of the universe is not speaking to you, best to just find that out.

So you have to test it.

I am keenly aware that I just advised ‘doing what the voices tell you.’

For most of us, that’s going to go fine, no matter the source. You’ll ask for the promotion. You’ll encourage a stranger. You’ll buy the pink golf pants. Whatever.

For some, it’s not that simple.

So, for everyone, I encourage some guardrails.

1. Be biblical
   You’re looking to see if the God of the Bible is really guiding you… look to the Bible. Don’t ever agree to test ideas as ‘from God’ that contradict who He is in the person of Jesus.

2. Be scientific
   Science, the discipline of asking questions and testing observable hypothesis, is your friend. If you’re testing a theory, pay attention to what question you asked and what happened.

3. Be curious
   Curiosity is your best tool here! How sad the many that may hear directly from God but never bother to check and see. That’s going to be a fun conversation…

4. Look for good
   Train your eye to see the positives. As you start walking forward, your willingness to ask, “How do I know it’s God?” turning into awareness that it is God… your eye looking for light will help guide you on the path.

We could even say it as a sentence.

“When examining your heart for the voice of God be curious and look always for the good, remain rational and test good questions, and above all, remember that you know who Jesus is. You’ll recognize Him.”

It is better to test this than not.

1 Thessalonians 5:21

…test everything that is said. Hold on to what is good.

Because it is either true or it is not.

Romans 8:28

And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them.

Because it is everything or nothing.

Alcoholics Anonymous pg. 53

…crushed by a self-imposed crisis we could not postpone or evade, we had to fearlessly face the proposition that either God is everything or else He is nothing. God either is, or He isn't. What was our choice to be?

Arrived at this point, we were squarely confronted with the question of faith. We couldn't duck the issue.

Because we are better off either hot or cold.

Revelation 3:16

But since you are like lukewarm water, neither hot nor cold, I will spit you out of my mouth!

Because we’re built and designed to be all-in.

Deuteronomy 6:5

…and you must love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your soul, and all your strength.

So… let’s just ask the questions we need to ask.

Don’t sweat it.

Do what we need to do.

And then let’s get on with finding out where He wants to take us.

It may just be an amazing story.

All scripture referenced is NLT unless otherwise noted. I prefer NLT for postural discussion as it is both reasonably rigorous while retaining a conversational tone.

For study I strongly encourage the use of original language tools, multiple translations, and rigorous critical thought.

Please remember that when you read the Bible in English you are always reading someone else’s theological interpretation of the text.

A discussion of diet, fitness, and the spiritual as we work with God to transform the interior spaces of our hearts.

I did.

Greatness to me was… the same thing everyone seems to want. I’m not sure what best describes it… money? Power? Pride?

Importance?

That’s close.

But I was too scared to try. I was small, content with potential.

Which is… just another word for something that hasn’t happened.

That was me.

Then I lost control, blew up the world, met Jesus, and everything changed.

Except it didn’t.

In my failing forward into the success of the Gospel, somewhere in the space where I learned to confess my very real and true weakness… I missed a step.

Something in me took from it, “now I can do big things!”

…and I set off on a quest for merit badges, titles, and achievements (oh my).

No one corrected me.

Doing big things for Jesus was the order of the day and the culture I lived in.

So I set off to acquire a hat collection but all the while my spirit kept at me. Persistent. Nagging. Faithful.

It led to a lot of pain and to a question… “what is more likely for Jesus to have… people willing to do big things, or small ones?”

Luke 16:10

If you are faithful in little things, you will be faithful in large ones. But if you are dishonest in little things, you won’t be honest with greater responsibilities.

Mostly… I think people don’t want to do anything.

But then, when they do, they only want to hit long balls, home runs, do the big things.

…but what if God is calling for a tactical bunt?

“I stopped outside a church house where the citizens like to sit
They say they want the kingdom
But they don't want God in it

I went out ridin' down that old eight-lane
I passed by a thousand signs
Looking for my own name”

Bono, ‘The Wanderer’

I remember a painful moment in which God spoke to me.

I was at a Church conference.

I had so many roles and titles.

I was in all the right rooms with all the right friends.

I had a team of people with me that had trusted me to be their Pastor, and I was nowhere to be seen.

I was somewhere else, talking to people I wanted to approve of me.

I was in tremendous pain.

God: It’s time to choose.

On one hand - ministry success. The whole world will know your name and associate you with Me… but it will be thin. So thin that when we peel it back it will disappear into one hand. It will look like everything and mean nothing.

On the other hand -ministry service. You will go where no one knows you, do things no one will recognize, and will have my promise that I will let you touch the stories that truly matter, but you will never see it. It will look like nothing and mean everything.

You can’t have both.

Choose.

Me: …that’s ….that’s just so… so… completely horrible.

God: It gets way harder than this. We’re just getting started.

So I chose.

Look.

Just because all the other Christians are running around chasing their egos and accomplishment doesn’t mean we should too.

John 3:30

He must become greater and greater, and I must become less and less.

We have a job to do. We are supposed to be different.

If we don’t do that when we can get away with it or when it costs… exactly when will we get around to it?

Little things matter.

God: Do you want to be mine?

Me: Yes.

God: Then stop trying to control everything. Stop trying to win.

Me: …what are you talking about? There is nonsense coming out of your mouth. I don’t get it.

God: Did I die on a cross?

Me: Yes.

God: Did I want to die on a cross?

Me: …no.

God: So was I winning?

Me: …no. You lost.

God: Correct. Now, what was I doing?

Me: …you were obedient?

God: Good... and consider… which is more true… did I do one amazing thing, or, was it a million small ones?

He wrecks me.

I am so glad of it.

My life, my Christian life, is not any one thing.

It is a million things.

It is everyday.

It is all of my smallest decisions. All together. Masquerading as some singular thing we would call a ‘life.’

Each one a chance to be equal to the conviction and motive of my heart.

Each one a chance to tell a story.

And I guess that’s it.

So I don’t want a big story.

I want a million small ones, lived well and fully, and then we will see… we will just see what God will do.

Me: Amen.

God: Amen.

All scripture referenced is NLT unless otherwise noted. I prefer NLT for postural discussion as it is both reasonably rigorous while retaining a conversational tone.

For study I strongly encourage the use of original language tools, multiple translations, and rigorous critical thought.

Please remember that when you read the Bible in English you are always reading someone else’s theological interpretation of the text.

A discussion of purpose, willingness, and motivation as an identity and definition of ministry.

Me either.

Despite this, I’m sure that it’s there.

Everytime I used to make a mistake of some gravity or incur a consequence of meaning… I was positive that if I could just figure out exactly what the mistake was, I could fix it.

I could.

Really.

If I could remember where the time machine was.

Have you seen it?

One day, God gave me the gift of seeing this in myself and I have tried to never look back.

Literally.

God: You don’t have a time machine.

Me: No, no, but I do. I can fix it.

God: No, no, I know you think that, but I want you to see, you really don’t.

Me: Then why am I so sure I do? Huh?

God: You have some problems. Hiding from them doesn’t make it better. You need to let go.

Me: …this is not one of our best talks.

God: Give it time, it’ll grow on you.

See, here’s what would happen.

Imagine that you and I would maybe have a conflict, or something would occur that didn’t just fit perfectly into my idea of how life should work…. didn’t even have to be a big deal… and I would lose it inside.

Quietly.

I would start to try and figure out how to fix it.

I would start to try really hard.

Except, guess what?

It was in the past.

That was a problem.

Here’s a blunt question.

If I cannot trust God with my past, how can I possibly claim to trust Him with my present or future?

Leaving mess and mistakes behind me is a part of trusting God.

Exactly what does ‘trusting God’ mean if I can’t do that anyways? Without it… it’s just noise.

And that hurt.

It hurt because I had jumped straight from a life of lawless and petty selfishness to one of religious perfectionism and I hadn’t realized I’d done it.

I’d intended to land on grace and I’d skipped it.

I needed to let go.

I needed to lose the time machine and accept leaving mess and mistakes behind me.

I really didn’t want to.

I wanted to fix it.

I’m glad I didn’t.

Turns out there is nothing wrong with being weak.

The problems come when we pretend to be strong.

My job, I realized, was to close my eyes, to look at him, and to walk. Forward. Not backwards.

To accept the past as it is, in all of its glory - EVEN THE VERY RECENT PAST- and put my mind to the moment at hand and walk forward.

To take the dare of taking God at His word… and seeing what happens in the space where I act like I actually believe Him, even when I don’t.

Especially when I don’t.

It doesn’t say this in the bible anywhere… but I’m pretty sure God has an extra big smile for folks who really don’t want to but find the courage to give Him an honest chance anyways.

Try it.

You’ll see.

Proverbs 3:5-6
Trust in the Lord with all your heart; do not depend on your own understanding. Seek his will in all you do, and he will show you which path to take.

And you know what’s crazy?

Turns out I don’t have a time machine, sure.. but guess what? I walk much better with my eyes closed.

Who knew?

All scripture referenced is NLT unless otherwise noted. I prefer NLT for postural discussion as it is both reasonably rigorous while retaining a conversational tone.

For study I strongly encourage the use of original language tools, multiple translations, and rigorous critical thought.

Please remember that when you read the Bible in English you are always reading someone else’s theological interpretation of the text.

A discussion of love, sacrifice, culture, Jesus, you and me, with a dash of awareness that His love of His enemy - me - led to this moment right here.

Also, notably, I am a hypocrite, though I am not sure anyone will notice.

God was sovereign.

I understood surrender to be winning rather than losing, and I was desperate to use what gifts I had to discern God’s intention rather than my own.

I had no idea how to do that.

Everything was upside down.

I had been given a gift, the gift of recognizing my insufficiency… which I intended to never lose…. but didn’t know how to do that either.

And I wanted to DO things.

Badly.

The world was broken. My world. And I had broken it. I wanted a plan.

I chafed in the new skin and eyes of my new life.

It was in this space, walking around in the shell of my previous life, that I met my lifelong friend, Michal Steyn.

Michal is lovely, brave, and follows his convictions, and may we all be so blessed as to have a friend like him.

I said my thing about wanting a plan, and I will never forget his response. How he knew what I wanted I will never know.

He must have known I was a level 19 nerd.

Or maybe we both are.

“What if God set out all the tool, parts, and material you would need to build a spaceship?

Imagine…. all the equipment in one pile, all the pieces in another… absolutely everything you would need, and every ability to use it… but no plan to be seen.

Just silence.

And then, imagine, in the silence, God told you the next step. Just one thing to do. One little thing that you could do.

And what if then you did it, and after, He told you the next.

And then the next.

If He kept doing it, could you build the spaceship?

What else would you need?”

-Michal Steyn

And he just looked at me, big smile on his face.

Pretty sure I smiled too.

My brain… unlocked.

I had a plan.

I realized… if I trust God to tell me the next thing, I don’t need a larger plan. I need faith. Faith is the plan.

And if I don’t trust God to tell me the next thing… what exactly do I have anyways?

Not a space ship.

That’s for sure.

Everything clicked into place.

My life changed, again.

LFG.

We are not to test God.

It should never be our motive, to bring Him down to our level and hold Him accountable to our standards and way of looking at things.

But you know what? We don’t need to.

All we have to do is act in faith. Because every act of faith is a test of God’s sovereignty and integrity as we make choices in a space we are not sure of… and God shows up real, again and again.

We can trust Him.

And when we trust Him, He will demonstrate Himself in what He does or does not do.

There is no way around it.

If we have the courage to act in that space, to take a first step of faith, a knowing of God is unavoidable.

We will learn something.

This is the rubric and science of faith.

Action motivated by faith in God creates a unavoidable awareness of God’s response.

Try it.

I dare you.

…and if you know how to trust Him without revealing Him, you are a wizard and I would like you to tell me how, because it sounds way easier than this scary thing I am always trying to do.

But I don’t think you can.

Because faith only exists in unproven spaces.

Faith only exists where it needs to.

Certainty is like some graveyard of faithful things that lacked the courage of their convictions.

Faith is found in risk.

“The opposite of Faith isn’t doubt, it’s certainty.”

-Anne Lamott

She’s right.

Faith is a bridge between you and God, not a pragmatic ‘knowing truth.’

Faith is a verb.

Faith is walking on water.

Then Peter called to him, “Lord, if it’s really you, tell me to come to you, walking on the water.”

“Yes, come,” Jesus said.

So Peter went over the side of the boat and walked on the water toward Jesus.

Matthew 14:28-29

…and if you read that, and you want to tell that story different… like maybe that’s supposed to be the story of Peter falling in the water?

Maybe that’s the problem.

🤷‍♂️

As for me, I’m building a spaceship.

Isn’t it rad?

All scripture referenced is NLT unless otherwise noted. I prefer NLT for postural discussion as it is both reasonably rigorous while retaining a conversational tone.

For study I strongly encourage the use of original language tools, multiple translations, and rigorous critical thought.

Please remember that when you read the Bible in English you are always reading someone else’s theological interpretation of the text.

A discussion of money, agency, power and why your surrender here matters. A lot. All the time. Forever.

No question.

So too is pretty much anyone, and everyone, you respect historically.

her·e·tic /ˈherəˌtik/
noun

1. a person believing in or practicing religious heresy.

2. a person holding an opinion at odds with what is generally accepted.

If you have another definition, like “Someone I disagree with,” or, “Someone bad,” then sure, this gets more complex.

But… by the actual definition? The one above?

If to be a heretic is to be at odds with Orthodoxy… and Orthodoxy is created by conflict and clarification then… all the originators of Orthodoxy must be heretics.

Right?

Heresy is how we get places.

I’m the first to admit, it doesn’t have that reputation, but it is the truth.

Because to be a heretic you don’t have to be wrong, weird, unhinged, or crazy… you just need to be willing to point to what is true in a world where others don’t want to see it.

Have you ever heard the story ‘The Emperor’s New Clothes’?

It’s a folk tale by Hans Christian Anderson and in it a vain and ridiculous Emperor is tricked into parading naked in public until he gets called out.

Tons of fun.

The way they trick him into doing this is to tell him ‘the magic fabric is invisible to morons and idiots.’ Amazing, right?

And so the Emperor, not wanting to be thought a moron never questions it.

And so the people, not wanting to be thought morons by their peers, never question it.

And so everyone agrees to this ridiculous premise, celebrating the naked man’s clothes… because they are scared to be judged by their fellows.

Until a child blurts out, “The Emperor has no clothes!” and suddenly, everyone could see.

That child was a heretic.

We need as many like him as we can get.

Matthew 18:2-3

He called a little child to him, and placed the child among them. And he said: “Truly I tell you, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven.”

I think it is worth remembering that children can both believe where adults would fail - and - will also ask questions where adults would cower.

Good on them.

Look.

If you don’t wrestle with heresy, you’re not trying hard enough.

It’s just not possible.

I’m sorry.

We cannot find understanding without asking hard questions.

We cannot possess wisdom without answering those questions.

We cannot do either without willingness to stumble into the dark and risk winding up wrong.

Most of us are in far greater danger from not asking good questions than we are of finding wrong answers.

We follow a God become man that spoke in questions and parables, many of them phenomenally difficult and opaque.

The arrogance to assume that we understand Jesus just because we heard His words is shocking and reckless.

His disciples were constantly going back to Him with questions as to what he meant. The example we are given is of regular wrestling with His words, working hard to find and understand the deeper and clearer meanings with lots of false starts, incorrect assumptions, and repetition.

Why would we be different?

What arrogance it is that when we decide we are different… that we honor Him rather than disgracing the gift he gives us.

In doing so… are we so sure we haven’t simply found a way to avoid doing the hard work Jesus invites us into, and wrapped it all up in ‘honor’ of His name so no one questions it?

How entirely human.

Is it possible that we are - all of us - naked but certain we would look the fool were we to ask?

…I get the stress here …but the great danger we face is not questions on the edge of heresy. That is a natural byproduct of trying to understand what God means.

The great danger we face is such certainty as to what God says or means that we can no longer hear Him when he tells us the truth.

That instead of God’s voice we hear only our own.

Think about it.

Please.

And then have the guts to do what you think is right.

Extra points for disagreeing with me.

For myself, I am a Jesus follower.

Jesus looked established orthodox religion in the eye and said, “you are lacking understanding, here is the truth,” and they killed Him for it.

Make no mistake. He died that we might partake of God’s full mercy and grace.

But He was killed for being a heretic.

So I have to wonder, when He looks at us, and finds any or all of us unwilling to risk our precious certainties so that we might gain His truth… do you think He loves that?

Do you think He looks at us and says, “I see myself in this,” as we critique and ostracize thinkers challenging the status quo or do you think he sees the men who killed Him?

That’s a real question.

Here’s another one.

Which matters more, that we are right, or that we are willing to risk being wrong?

Spend a minute in the ‘Parable of the Talents,’ and then tell me, please, which of those do you think is more important to Him?

And then be honest, which is more important to you?

For myself, I would rather live a life of risk in faith and dare a few wrong answers than to be a person of religious certainty too scared to take God at his word.

He’s got me.

Here’s to mystery and grace unending, forevermore.

Amen.

All scripture referenced is NLT unless otherwise noted. I prefer NLT for postural discussion as it is both reasonably rigorous while retaining a conversational tone.

For study I strongly encourage the use of original language tools, multiple translations, and rigorous critical thought.

Please remember that when you read the Bible in English you are always reading someone else’s theological interpretation of the text.

A discussion of Blaise Pascal and a question of whether or not we ask the right question when we consider his wager, and, a suggestion that there is a better wager to make.

Everyday.

It is a constant.

Up or down, in pain or free, it is scripture, and the study of it, that is at the center of my life.

Which sounds really refined and intentional until you realize it is 3 AM and I just enjoyed a journey with Mark through Jesus’ life and a wonderful discussion of bodily discharges in Leviticus.

There is a shocking amount of bodily discharge in Leviticus.

It wasn’t always this way.

There was a day in life, long ago, when I was very much alone. When sleepless, or in pain, or bored… I had no answer but myself.

One day God changed that and I have never looked back.

The bible contains a much better answer.

Most years, I read the whole bible.

Often, when this comes up in discussion, friends will ask, “why?” and I’ve wrestled to find the truest answer to that.

At the start, I think it was the merit badges.

I was desperate to be better than the trainwreck I’d been and reading the bible more than the next guy was a cheap thrill and an easy way to feel good about myself.

Looking back I can see that I slipped on the identity God had given me in truth …and walked around in it as if it still wasn’t mine, something borrowed that must be returned.

I have to imagine that God probably smiled, and knew it would be good for me regardless.

So you have not received a spirit that makes you fearful slaves. Instead, you received God’s Spirit when he adopted you as his own children. Now we call him, “Abba, Father.” For his Spirit joins with our spirit to affirm that we are God’s children. And since we are his children, we are his heirs. In fact, together with Christ we are heirs of God’s glory.

Romans 8:15-17

Today, I think I most love the fact that I am not in control.

The glory of the merit badges faded and the security of trusting God’s driving became my comfort.

On those days when 3 AM beckons with some anxious pain, there is great comfort to me in the fact that I am submitted to listen, not to speak.

That I pick up the text and discover what God has to say.

Even when it’s bodily discharges.

Maybe especially when it’s bodily discharges.

There’s great comfort in the reminder of shared humanity, if you have eyes to see it.

Don’t get me wrong… I love to study the aspects of scripture that interest me. With fellows or alone, to dive into a book, and angle, or a theme… it can be glorious.

But that’s not what I’m talking about today.

I’m talking about the spiritual practice of submitting oneself to a discipline of scripture. Where, rain or shine, fear or faith, joy or sadness… you do the task at hand.

Day after day.

You pick the book up.

You read the allotment of the day.

You do it again the next day. And the next. And the next.

If you’ve never done this, it’s a fair question to ask… “what might you find?”

Myself, I have found worlds of peace, and of trust, I would otherwise not have known.

Precisely because I am not determining the subject at hand.

I pick it up.

I open it.

I submit myself to God, in scripture, and I find out what He had to say.

Each of these, submitting and listening, moving in fellowship, unclear as to their primacy.

I choose to trust God… and I set about wading through the bodily fluids of the israelites as they make their way through the desert.

“But what about at 2 PM on a Tuesday Daniel?”

At 2 PM on a Tuesday, it’s a different story.

In the business of life… the pragmatism of a discipline of scripture is wholly something else, and the bodily fluids of the israelites can be far less a comfort.

They call for endurance instead.

In that moment, when pain does not beckon, nor curiosity, nor interest… and I submit myself to scripture it trains yet another part of me.

Picture me between meetings, in a car, my heart full of the tasks of the day, addressing this endless opportunity to grow closer to God.

…if I want Him at 3 AM, here, at 2 PM …I do not.

In this moment I am busy.

That is a problem.

If at 3 AM I train that part of myself that believes it wants control, at 2 PM I think I train that part of me that believes it has it.

That needs to let go.

Teaching me again and again, ‘you don’t have it, and you don’t need it.’

…I really dig the way Eugene has it in ‘The Message.1’

“Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out on religion? Come to me. Get away with me and you’ll recover your life. I’ll show you how to take a real rest. Walk with me and work with me—watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I won’t lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. Keep company with me and you’ll learn to live freely and lightly.”

Matthew 11:28-30 (MSG)

“The unforced rhythms of grace.”

I love that.

That’s so true.

And so slowly, one day at a time, we go first one way and then the other. Him and I.

God shapes me, just as he shaped the israelites in the desert, as they wander back and forth.

God works to complete me, just as He promised.

And I am certain that God, who began the good work within you, will continue his work until it is finally finished on the day when Christ Jesus returns.

Philippians 1:6

It’s 4:30 AM now.

Tomorrow beckons.

And the question, of which of these things has more value? To submit to God in opening the book or in listening to God in what he has to say…?

I think the answer is a very careful, and precise, “yes.”

All scripture referenced is NLT unless otherwise noted. I prefer NLT for postural discussion as it is both reasonably rigorous while retaining a conversational tone.

For study I strongly encourage the use of original language tools, multiple translations, and rigorous critical thought.

Please remember that when you read the Bible in English you are always reading someone else’s theological interpretation of the text.

A discussion of the person of Peter and a question as to what he learned about Jesus and himself on the day his friend, mentor, and Lord went to His death.